Ridiculousness.

I learned last week that you cannot broil asparagus in a glass pyrex dish.

How did I not know this? The dish spontaneously shattered as I carried it from the oven to the stovetop.

Which was awesome and not at all a disaster with 3 small kids running around barefoot 99% of the time.

Madeline is learning how to give real kisses. She eagerly opens her mouth and basically sucks on my mouth when I greet her in the morning. (I know, gross. But not if you're the mom!) Today she missed the mark and ended up with my nose in her mouth. The unfortunate part is that she lunged at my face in her eagerness and ended up cutting the bridge of my nose with her top teeth. You know how thin the skin is there? That thing is never going to heal and because it's a little red and puffy it looks like an enormous pimple.

Maddie has taken to screeching at Ellie when she swipes toys that she has first been holding or playing with. This pretty much means that anytime the two of them are awake at the same time, Maddie is screeching.

Ellie now tells me to "Calm down, Mommy - just CALM DOWN! Take a deep breath, like this...{inhale, exhale}" anytime I get frustrated with her or begin to discipline her. Darn it if it makes me laugh every time.

Robbie needed to use the restroom before preschool was open the other day, and so we all crammed into the family bathroom down the hall and waited for him to do his business. Standing up, he insisted. And then the automatic toiled started to flush as he was midway through taking care of business, and he freaked out. You can imagine the scene... he jumps, pee ends up everywhere, he's terrified and screaming, I'm holding the baby because I thought "I won't need the stroller just to walk him into preschool today" and am therefore down one hand/arm, and am trying to get him to stand back over the toilet for goodness sake and finish the job as he glazes over with trauma and tries to pull his pants up and get as far away as possible. Ellie hovers nearby the whole time, transfixed by the action and peering down into the bowl and offering "it's ok, Robbie!"s when there's a pause in the chaos, and I mop up the mess with one hand and hold the baby as high off the ground as I can with the other.

Ellie calls me her best girl, and Robbie calls me Ash. In public.

We go through 6 half-gallons of milk each week, minimum (not including Maddie's soy milk).

I fed Maddie coconut milk yogurt, thinking it was soy yogurt. I hadn't noticed that the container said "SO" (the brand) and not "SOY" when I purchased it. We nearly finished it before Cheryl asked who was eating the coconut milk yogurt and I gave her a funny look, like "What are you talking about?". And now I have discovered that it is impossible to even find soy yogurt. I have looked everywhere. I used to get it for Ellie all the time when she was one and now it's all gone.

The kids are all into poking me and each other. I am acutely aware of how overdue they are for a nail trim. Also? This is somehow really maddening and irritating to me. I can't pinpoint why. I'm sure it's partially because someone gets their eye poked every single day, but it goes beyond that.

I have come to accept that because my kids are waking up at 5 and 6am fairly regularly, taking a shower in the morning means that I sacrifice something without knowing what it is ahead of time as the kids often get into mischief while I'm in the bathroom. I refuse to get up earlier than them right now just to get ready. The other day it was the table of contents in my bible that got ripped out. Yesterday they scribbled with pencil in one of the books on my nightstand. Ellie is fond of finding my honey cough drops, licking them a few times, and then nestling them into the carpet for safe keeping. Or eating my gum and hiding the wrappers in her bed sheets. Sometimes she pulls her clothes off the hangers in her closet. The worst is when I realize that Robbie has opened the baby gate and he and Ellie are downstairs in the kitchen raiding the countertops of anything edible. Usually muffins or cupcakes.