I wrote this mostly for me, but you can read it, too.

One of the hardest parts of being a mother to young children has proven {at least for me} to be illness. Some seasons I feel like my kids are virus magnets, picking up everything that is possibly going around. Two winters ago, it felt like all 3 kids were constantly sick. We went through kleenex, beach towels, Clorox spray and wipes, tylenol and our deductible like it was our job. It frayed my nerves and stirred up great anxiety in my heart, to the point that in the aftermath of all the illness, I was left in the Spring feeling totally incompetent to care for our growing family well. I didn't see how my faith could really play a part in the way I manage our children when they are sick, or affect the way I feel about my situation, myself, and The Lord as I walk through it. 

God is so patient with me because often I am slow to learn. I am so thankful that He doesn't give up on me, and that He uses everything in my life to steer me on the path He has laid out for me. Now that our kids are 5 1/2, 4 and 2 1/2 (SO OLD! haha), I feel like I am able to look back at that season of illness in our family's life with a little more wisdom. Several moments in my life since then have shaped and greatly encouraged my perspective for dealing with sick kids. And what I am currently studying is building my faith up so much in this area, I can't help but revisit that hard winter in my mind and bring it all under God's authority.

Matthew 10:29-31

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father... So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." 

In his book "Trusting God", Jerry Bridges says:

"According to Jesus, God does exercise His sovereignty in very minute events - even the life and death of an almost worthless sparrow. And Jesus' whole point is: If God so exercises His sovereignty in regard to sparrows, most certainly He will exercise it in regard to His children. While it is certainly true that God's love for us does not protect us from pain and sorrow, it is also true that all occasions of pain and sorrow are under the absolute control of God."

Bridges defines God's providence as "...His constant care for and His absolute rule over all His creation for His own glory and the good of His people. ...note the absolute terms: constant care, absolute rule, all creation. Nothing, not even the smallest virus, escapes His care and control. But, note also, the twofold objective of God's providence: His own glory and the good of His people. These two objectives are never antithetical; they are always in harmony with each other."

Bridges points out that many of us deal with suffering and pain by attributing goodness to God, but limiting Him in His sovereignty in order to make sense of the events of our lives. He warns us against this, saying: "...we are to establish our beliefs by the Bible, not by our experiences. The Bible leaves us no doubt: God is never frustrated. "No one can hold back his hand or say to him: 'What have you done?" (Daniel 4:35). It is true that God is involved in an invisible war with Satan and that the lives of God's people often are battlegrounds, as seen in the life of Job. But even then Satan must get permission to touch God's people (see Job 1:12, 2:6 and Luke 22:31-32). Even in this invisible war, God is still sovereign."

I am working hard now to do what I wish I had done before I had entered that phase of my life that challenged me so much: building a very strong, specific foundation for how I live out the small minutes of my life based on what God's Word says. I've had years of Christian Education, hours of Bible classes and numerous small groups within Bible study programs, and yet I'm only just now realizing how all that I've learned and experienced has equipped me to walk through hard things on a very practical level. It takes an intentionality and focus that I've previously not had. It takes looking at an individual experience, situation, or trial and holding it up to Scripture, asking The Lord to show me how He wants me to walk, and what the Truth is about Him as it relates to my circumstance.

I've been so arrogant to think that I know how to live this life with Christ, managing it largely on my own (oh the irony). Relying more on my own wit, strength, knowledge, resources, energy, and ability than on God Himself and His Word. And yet, even these nitty gritty everyday life experiences and situations, like caring for a sick toddler or sending a preschooler into the OR for surgery... these are opportunities to remember Who is in control, Who deserves the praise, and Who is to be trusted in very practical ways.

I would do it all so differently if I could go back and take another crack at it. That's ok, though. I have today. And probably tomorrow, and possibly many more opportunities to put these learned lessons into practice. 

When I attended the Women of Faith conference this past August, one of the speakers shared a personal story about a time her infants were very sick with fevers and illness. She and her husband were very poor - no money for Tylenol or doctor's visits. And she was so afraid, but she paced the hallway of their home, and did the only thing she knew to do. She cried out to God to heal her babies. And then she sang praises to God, even as her children suffered and she was rendered 'helpless' as their mother. She sang Scripture right back to The Lord, affirming who He is and the power He holds. She cried out to Him to help her because of who she knew Him to be, because of His Word. 

The title of her talk at that conference was something along the lines of "An Aggressive Praise". It moved me. I have never had a mind so clear and a trust so firm in The Lord that my first thought, when my children are suddenly sick or suffering, is to sing Him praises and thank Him for who He is. To call out to Him because of Who His Word says that He is. Sure, I pray over my kids and ask God to heal them, but I'm too busy running around getting cool washcloths and tylenol for fevers, preparing the next sick bed with bucket nearby, leaving messages for the doctor on call, or taking my children to the ER to actually stop, be still, and demonstrate my absolute trust in Who God my Father is by singing His praises with a quiet, focused heart. All of those practical things are sometimes necessary parts of taking care of a sick child, but I'm so sorry to look back and see that what was missing was a confession of God's providence, His sovereign control over every minute aspect of our lives and an unwavering faith and trust in Him as events play out that are uncomfortable and scary. I worried, panicked, and sprang into action out of my own {limited} strength. 

I want to choose differently from here on out.

I want to choose absolute trust and faith in God.

I want to choose to praise Him when I am faced with more than I can handle on my own.

When I'm afraid, outmatched, and feeling incompetent, I want to remember the sparrow.

I want to sing songs over feverish babes about the power and holiness of God.

I want wisdom from above when I am making decisions about how to best care for my family, in nights sickness but also in days of health.

I want every aspect of my life to be faith building because I live knowing that it is all under His authority.

I want my kids to see that my faith and trust in God is very real, and I want to pass that on to them.

Last weekend my littlest was very sick with croup. It was day 3, and the illness was peaking. Her coughing fits were scary, as they always are with croup. But even as she slept for about an hour at a time between coughing fits, her breathing was raspy and concerning. 

I laid with her in our bed that night, keeping a watchful eye over her as she suffered. My first instinct, especially with breathing issues, is always to take my kids to the ER. I feel helpless and stupid to pretend to know how severe their illness is, not being able to actually see inside their bodies or have a medical background and experiences with many forms of illness. And one of my greatest fears is that my children will suffer at the hand of my care, or worse, because of my neglect to care appropriately for them. For this reason, I always overcompensate.

This time, though, The Lord reminded me of all that He has been teaching me, and He calmed my spirit enough to wait. I prayed over her feverish body, and exercised faith and trust in my God who made her and knows her more intimately than even the best doctor could. I asked Him for wisdom to know if and when to take her to be seen, and fought back familiar feelings of incompetence. I repeated back to God that He could heal her, He could prompt me to have her seen, He is with me and He loves us. 

I did all the little things that a mother does to alleviate the symptoms of croup.

I also made the hard choice to trust at the same time; trust that God was in control of the virus in her body, trust that He was in control of the outcome of the illness, and trust that He was watching over us with love.

For maybe the first time, my faith was strengthened by my child's illness instead of shaken by it.

Baby steps.

31 Days of Listening {to the Word}

It all keeps coming back to spending time with The Lord by spending time reading His Word. Whatever the question, this is the answer.

The most reliable way to know God and hear His voice is to read His written Word. There's no room for second guessing whether it's Him who is speaking to us.

On the streets of London, Kacey and I walked and talked for a long time about how we can know the difference between the movement of the Holy Spirit in our lives and discerning when we are simply being influenced by our emotions. My rock in these situations has always {and sometimes only} been God's Word {being a highly emotional woman}. It is HARD to discern whether the Spirit or my emotions are at play. Sometimes it is clear, when the Spirit is moving in a direction opposite of my emotions. But this isn't always the case.

The Word of God is, for me, the most reliable way to know God himself. To know God is to love Him, and to love Him is to obey Him. John 15 calls this sequence remaining in God as a branch attached to a vine that produces and bears fruit. There is another aspect of our relationship with Him though, and that is trust. Trust and obedience work in relationship with one another to demonstrate true faith. I am realizing that we can have one without the other, but without the two in tandem, it's impossible to please God.

I'm reading Jerry Bridges' book "Trusting God" and he says,

"...it is just as important to trust God as it is to obey Him. When we disobey God we defy His authority and despise His holiness. But when we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness. In both cases we cast aspersions upon His majesty and His character. God views our distrust of Him as seriously as He views our disobedience."

"...just as the faith of salvation comes through hearing the message of the gospel (see Romans 10:17), so the faith to trust God in adversity comes through the Word of God alone... It is only from the Scriptures, applied to our hearts by the Holy Spirit, that we receive the grace to trust God in adversity."

Bridges quotes Lamentations 3:37-38, which says "Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?". He spends time addressing the fact that many people are offended by this scripture passage, because it's difficult to accept both good and calamity coming from God's hand. And yet we fail to remember that Jesus was put through an excruciating experience that was under God's sovereign control and a part of His divine plan for mankind, all as an amazing act of love towards us. Jesus did not waver in His belief that God was in control, even as He was handed over and crucified. And so we should hold fast to our belief in God's sovereign control over all things, too... and rather than being offended by it, take comfort in it and the fact that God has purpose in all things.

Bridges goes on to say, "God's plan and His ways of working out His plan are frequently beyond our ability to fathom and understand. We must learn to trust when we don't understand... {we must} become so convinced of these truths {the sovereignty, love and wisdom of God} that we appropriate them in our daily circumstances, that we learn to trust God in the midst of our pain, whatever form it may take."

For me, I cannot actively, deeply trust someone or something I know nothing about. Especially when it comes to my young family. And yet, I am promised that I will never come to a complete understanding of God and His ways while I am on earth as a limited human being. And so, I study God's Word in order to learn as much as I can about Him, in order to get to know Him personally and love God more each day. I do this so that my trust in Him grows and is secure. I do this when life isn't particularly hard, challenging, heartbreaking or difficult, because I am guaranteed that those days are coming if they aren't here yet. I want to be prepared to withstand trials and suffering with the grace and humility that comes by walking with God when life has been quiet. To be so convinced of God's Truth that I can trust Him in all circumstances as they unfold in my life, for better or worse.

And the foundation for all of this is The Bible, God's Word. And so, I listen to it. Every morning I am able, I sit down and ask God to speak to me through it. I ascribe power to it in my life and ask that God would use it to change my heart and my life. I hunger for it, and while it satisfies and quenches my soul it also leaves me wanting more of it. It is beautiful and precious to me, as it is the means of my salvation and subsequent sanctification.

I have shifted my measures of 'success' as a result. My scorecard in life used to look like this:

How much have I accomplished?
How quickly and how much better than others am I accomplishing things?
How much praise am I receiving from the people around me?
How good do I feel?
How much do I have, how have I set myself up for more, how secure do I feel in what I've created and what I am maintaing?

My new 'scorecard' is so much more beautiful and freeing...

How much time have I spent with The Lord, in His Word?
Have I spent time laying my burdens down before Him, acknowledging Him as powerful, holy and sovereign?
Am I free from anxiety?
Am I living within the boundaries God has set for me, but freely pursuing Him and following wherever He leads me?
Am I loving others well?
Am I stretching myself with new spiritual disciplines that strengthen my faith?
Am I holding tightly to things He wants me to release?
Am I running from things or people He wants me to engage with?
Am I sharing what I'm learning?
Is my heart humble?
Am I confessing my sin regularly?
Am I listening to the wisdom of others and allowing myself to learn from them?

God's Word sets me free every day. I am so thankful for it, so desperate for it, and in awe of how it really is living and active. We have been given The Spirit and we have been given The Word. I pray every day that I am listening to both as I walk by faith.

31 Days of Listening {give or take a few...}

Sometimes I like to combat my first-born, Type A, legalistic tendencies and and stretch myself to be more free spirited. Taking a break here on the blog, even if it WAS supposed to be 31 consecutive days of writing, was necessary.

Because life needed to happen, and there simply wasn't room in the days to write, until now.

I got to fly across the pond and spend 6 days with my best friend and her family. Then I came home, and while I didn't suffer any jet lag (what!?!?), I did make sure I was going to bed by 8-9pm, and let myself sleep in until 7am. I set aside my morning quiet times for one week in hopes of maintaining health and balance through regular, long nights of sleep in the wake of my trip (the most cerebral decision I've had to make lately, as I LOVE my early mornings and know how much I NEED them). Just when I intended to start my early morning routine up again, both girls got sick with croup and I didn't sleep for two nights in a row. The irony - no jetlag, but sick kids... I'm thankful, even so, that the Lord kept them healthy while I was gone. I was more than happy to be the one up through the night with a raspy breathing babe, and found it easier than ever to give Him praise when I was worried for her health and forfeiting sleep. At least I was home, with her.

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I have kept my normal daily routine, and it all piled up on me last night. I felt out of joint, irritable, restless, tired, discontent, even flat out sad. Vulnerable. I can't wait to share all that I've experienced and learned in the last 2 weeks, but mostly I'm thankful to be back here at 5:15am with my steaming cup of coffee. This morning's chapter by Spurgeon was just what my dry soul needed... words about being chosen by God, being part of the elect, or as he puts it "for some are made the special objects of divine affection."  How beautiful is that!? I could feed on that for days...

The beauty of God's Word and His presence is that it only takes a verse. A few moments sitting quietly before Him. Whatever we can offer... He uses and blows it wide open. Parched for Him for days, within 10 minutes of soaking in the scripture and Truth and I'm full to overflowing again, where just 7 hours ago I felt dry and empty. I need this well, every morning. But I'm greedy for Him so I'm going to sit and stay a while today...

And so, to tie in the theme... I've learned to listen to my spirit. When I feel cramped, to get out of the house (bundling up if necessary) and take a walk in wide open, quiet spaces that are full of His glory. When I feel sad, aching or empty, to fill myself with His Truth and to keep mining it until He speaks to me. Rarely does He take His time, but even if and when He does... I will wait and persist. Nothing is wasted here, no effort is in vain. No hour of sleep begrudgingly given up but happily tossed aside and traded in for the Living Water and Bread of Life, the presence that actually sustains me through the day and brings life to my bones, to the dead places inside of me.

"His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the raging flood; 
When every earthly prop gives way,
This still is all my strength and stay."

{a few short of} 31 Days of Listening

 I'm noticeably absent from the blog, and as of now failing miserably at blogging for 31 consistent days. 

But can you blame me? Yesterday I got on a plane to London... To visit my best friend for 6 days. And we have a lot of catching up to do. I'm living in her house. Which is all kinds of awesome because just when you think you know someone, you listen in on their bedtime routine with the kiddos and hear the tender way she loves and builds then up when no one is looking (or listening... Or so she thought), creating a safe space for their day to end and offering them words of life and sweet thoughts to fall asleep to. And maybe there's something really endearing but equally hysterical that she does for these girls she loves at bedtime that probably no on else knows about. And you catch her in the act and laugh so hard together when she sees you in the hallway, that your pregnant self thinks maybe today will be the day you finally wet your pants. 

Yeah, so all that... And more... It's taking me away from moments of solitude and I'm saying hallelujah to that! The writing can wait. These moments? They can't. These kids I love like my own need me fully present and focused on them. I'm sealing them into my memory - Fallon, savvy, and jr, at this age here in London right now. Today is a gift and my return flight home already feels too close, and who knows if I'll get to come back again while they're still here. 

And my girl? She has so much to say. Words need to be spoken back and forth that cannot live in the space on these blog pages or in the meager emails and texts she and I send to keep in touch when we are apart. While we have breath and the space to speak our hearts out loud to each other face to face... This is all gold to me and I'm being stingy with it, hoarding it. Soaking in as much of it as I can. Not thinking about how to put to words what I might want to say, or what I think i have to say here in this space on the blog (or to anyone, really, anywhere). 

Just listening, observing, delighting, experiencing, memorizing, laughing, pondering, witnessing, helping, loving and living together this week. 

It's enough. 

How's that for simple?! ;)

31 Days of Listening {to Others}

This exercise of {really} listening, and practicing it intentionally, has been eye opening.

I didn't post yesterday because we had a special out of town guest with us this weekend, and Rob ran the Chicago Marathon. I really love cheering him on from the side of the course, and get a huge rush from being one person in a sea of thousands, cheering on the athletes who have trained so hard for so long, and are trying to accomplish something of this magnitude. Watching them all run past us, pushing themselves so hard. It's inspiring (although I'll never run one, ha!). It's obviously the best when we see Rob and he sees us, and after I hand him water and hammer gel, I watch him as he runs away from us, and my heart swells with a combination of the good kind of pride, awe, love and gratefulness for who he is. God has made Rob so differently than He has made me, with gifts and abilities I'll never have, and it brings me so much joy to witness that.

I listened to those around me yesterday, and heard so many beautiful exchanges. Strangers chatted on the side of the course, introducing themselves to one another and explaining who they were there to cheer on. They asked about hometowns and previous races, and encouraged each other. There was a noticeable absence of comparison or self-centeredness. There were posters with runners' names or faces on them, with words of encouragement or love.

And I got to thinking, why can't we be like this all the time?

Hebrews 12:1-2 says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entagles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus...".

1 Corinthians 9:24 says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

The life of faith is referred to as a race. It requires training and preparation, and although not always necessary or guaranteed, it's certainly helpful to have encouraging voices telling us we can do it, cheering us on in the right direction, celebrating our victories with us. Reminding us that we are one member of a collective larger group that is all striving for the same thing - to finish the race well.

****

With this (3rd) marathon experience, I can't help but compare and contrast it to the ways that we, as Christians, interact and exchange words and ideas. Keep in mind that if we are followers of Christ, we are running the same race, eyes on the prize that is Jesus.

I'm frequently discouraged by the words of my fellow racers, though. We are all so vastly different, with a range of life experiences, wounds, losses, dreams, and questions that form the places that we live out of. We all have a great need to listen to one another, to be gentle and seek understanding and find ways to encourage each other. I also believe that we all have something to say, no matter how well formed the thought might be, which is sometimes indicative of how well we are running the race. There should be plenty of grace between us as we lovingly accept where each of our brothers and sisters are in this journey, this race that can be very hard, often lonely, and sometimes confusing. We need each other, speaking words that are life giving and energizing, but also listening quietly to one another.

I read a blog the other day (one that I really enjoy and am challenged by) that spoke from a place of arrogance... the message was "why is everyone talking about X when we should really be talking about Y?". It was a general criticism of some of the online voices of Christianity. And while the topic she was suggesting was of greatest importance is one that we should in fact be discussing right now (a social justice issue), what frustrated me was that she came across as seeming to have all the wisdom and knowledge about what we all should be talking about, first and foremost. And in one fell swoop, she discounted everything that anyone else was talking about at the moment, which might very well have caused some to feel ashamed or embarrassed. I certainly did, but only for a moment.

I love to observe and listen to what other believers are passionate about. And most of all? I love that we are often passionate about different things. When I hear about the way such-and-such cause pulls at my friend's heartstrings, and how it moves her to live differently, it inspires me. I love to celebrate the passion in my friends' lives and the way God is moving and working in them for His glory. But when we step away from celebrating the ways God has wired each of us differently, and yet has called us to all function together as One Body, made up of many parts that serve different functions, and start to chastise one another for not thinking or acting the way WE do? I cannot understand what greater good this serves. It's certainly not Biblical. It's not encouraging or uplifting, and it lacks the humility that Christ became for us, and modeled for us. I firmly believe that we are called to sharpen one another, and sometimes rebuke one another - but within a private context and in a way that is honoring.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the books I've been reading recently are (in order): "Humility", "Introverts in the Church", and "A Million Little Ways". That the topic I was prompted to choose for my 31 Days writing project was listening. I'm learning more about setting myself aside, elevating God to His appropriate place in my life, and experiencing the freedom that comes with really knowing in my heart that these things are true:

1) God is intentional, all-knowing, and full of grace
2) I was designed with great purpose for His kingdom and His glory
3) I am responsible to live out the one life He has given me, without jealousy or pride as I observe the lives He's given others to live
4) In Christ, I find mercy and grace in measures that have no end, as I constantly fall short of all that God calls me to
5) Because of the confidence I have in Christ, and therefore who I am in Him, I can celebrate and encourage others freely rather than feeling threatened by them
6) I realize that I am living in the context of two extremes: because I am found in Christ, created by the Almighty God and filled with His Spirit, nothing is impossible for me. The One True God hears my prayers, and is lovingly paying attention to me. He has planned out the days of my life and goes with me every day. He has called me to leadership, in some ways. And yet, I am one person among millions on this earth. I am a part of a very large spiritual family that is made up of many, many others who are very different from me. I am called to servanthood and bowing low and thinking of others first. I am responsible for living in peace with others.
7) God speaks to each of us, but sometimes He uses different methods or means. He speaks through each of us depending on the way He's created and wired us.
8) God always honors the efforts we make to seek Him through the discipline of listening. When we seek the Truth, we will always find it. And when we listen for Him, whether by reading His Word, observing the world around us, or listening to what others have to say, He always makes Himself known. He wants to be found by us.

If only all of life were like the Marathon yesterday - cheering one another on, honoring the hard work and training that's been happening behind the scenes for such a long amount of time, celebrating differences and enjoying the one thing that brings us all together. Sharing in the sweetness of victory when it's all over. Spending ourselves on each other. Being content to be one person in a sea of thousands.

Running the race with perseverance, eyes on the prize.

31 Days of Listening {to Others}

For this beautiful, rainy Saturday that we are spending together as family... a song to inspire your thanks.

THANK YOU (Ben Kyle)

Thank you for the way you make a feeling real
Rolling through my heart like a ferris wheel
Thank you for a pretty little laughing heart
Thank you from my heart, thank you from my heart

Thank you for the way you make your light to shine
In between the shadows in the back of my mind
Thank you for the children and the love I've found
Thank you from my heart, thank you from my heart

Let there be light, let there be love, let there be space
Let all the water flow together through the ether and gather in a beautiful place

Thank you for the way you make the showers fall
Like a blanket on the valley when the flowers call
Thank you for creating and sustaining it all
Thank you from my heart and my soul
Thank you from my heart and my soul

Thank you for the way you make the music play
In between the quiet on a beautiful day
Thank you for the meaning in the things we say
Thank you from my heart, thank you from my heart

Let there be light, let there be love, let there be space
Let all the water flow together through the ether and gather in a beautiful place
Let there be earth, let there be sea, let there be sky
Let all the water flow together through the ether and gather over you and I

Thank you for the way you make the flowers grow
Up through the cracks in my fractured soul
Thank you for the way the healing waters flow
Thank you from my heart and my soul
Thank you from my heart and my soul

Thank you for the way you make the moonlight shine
Between me and the horizon there's a perfect line
Like a love upon the ocean anybody can find
Thank you from my heart and my mind
Thank you from my heart and my mind

Let there be light, let there be love, let there be grace
Let all the water flow together through the ether and gather in a beautiful place
Let there be earth, let there be sea, let there be sky
Let all the water flow together through the ether and gather over you and I

Thank you for the way you make my soul to sing
With the feeling there's a meaning here in everything
Thank you for giving me the gift I bring
Thank you from my heart
Thank you from my heart

credits

31 Days of Listening {to Others} {to Myself}

Emily P. Freeman's book, "A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made To Live", was just released and I'm loving it. The chapter on listening is beautiful and inspiring. She talks about how important it is to pay attention to your story as you see it reflected in the stories or in the art of others.

"Madeline L'Engle puts into words for us a very simple truth... 'In art, either as creators or participators, we are helped to remember some of the glorious things we have forgotten, and some of the terrible things we are asked to endure, we who are children of God by adoption and grace.' 

Art makes it possible for us to remember both the beauty and the horrific, the lovely and the loss. Art numbs the wound just long enough for us to be able to access the source of it, to reach down into the depths and pull it up to examine.

The beauty of art is that it separates us enough from our own pain in order to make it safe to appraoch. This movie, this novel, this musical, this song isn't my story, and so I can freely let myself identify with it. In the freedom, the tears have permission to fall. And in the tear-fall, I realize that this movie, this novel, this musical, this song holds pieces of my story after all. 

What touches your soul so deeply that it causes tears to come out? We're talking about magic water that pours out of our eyes. Maybe paying attention to what calls that water forth will give us a hint as to what it is that makes us come alive."

Emily also talks about the importance of listening to your tears, as that last paragraph indicates. This has been my absolute favorite part of the book thus far:

"...maybe our tears are tiny messengers, secret keepers of the most vulnerable kind, sent to deliver a most important message - Here is where your heart beats strong. Here is a hint to your design. Here is a gift from your inner life, sent to remind you of those things that make you come alive. These tears carry the gift of your desire. Listen to them. ...Listen to what makes you cry."

I wanted to write this post yesterday. It's been on my mind since Tuesday. But it means so much more today as I just wrote the previous post with tears falling freely. It feels good to allow our hearts to spill over, confessing the things that we desire or the things that still hurt or the things that point us closer to what we were created to do or designed for.

And in a way, for me it's much easier to write about these things than to speak them out loud. Sometimes the magic water gets in the way, and my keyboard acts as the numbing agent just enough for my heart to spill over. When I read what I've written, whether it's one day later or months or even years, I can listen to myself again.

"Only when we decided to quiet ourselves and listen on purpose did we really begin to hear."