Sometimes I like to combat my first-born, Type A, legalistic tendencies and and stretch myself to be more free spirited. Taking a break here on the blog, even if it WAS supposed to be 31 consecutive days of writing, was necessary.
Because life needed to happen, and there simply wasn't room in the days to write, until now.
I got to fly across the pond and spend 6 days with my best friend and her family. Then I came home, and while I didn't suffer any jet lag (what!?!?), I did make sure I was going to bed by 8-9pm, and let myself sleep in until 7am. I set aside my morning quiet times for one week in hopes of maintaining health and balance through regular, long nights of sleep in the wake of my trip (the most cerebral decision I've had to make lately, as I LOVE my early mornings and know how much I NEED them). Just when I intended to start my early morning routine up again, both girls got sick with croup and I didn't sleep for two nights in a row. The irony - no jetlag, but sick kids... I'm thankful, even so, that the Lord kept them healthy while I was gone. I was more than happy to be the one up through the night with a raspy breathing babe, and found it easier than ever to give Him praise when I was worried for her health and forfeiting sleep. At least I was home, with her.
It's been nearly 2 weeks since I have kept my normal daily routine, and it all piled up on me last night. I felt out of joint, irritable, restless, tired, discontent, even flat out sad. Vulnerable. I can't wait to share all that I've experienced and learned in the last 2 weeks, but mostly I'm thankful to be back here at 5:15am with my steaming cup of coffee. This morning's chapter by Spurgeon was just what my dry soul needed... words about being chosen by God, being part of the elect, or as he puts it "for some are made the special objects of divine affection." How beautiful is that!? I could feed on that for days...
The beauty of God's Word and His presence is that it only takes a verse. A few moments sitting quietly before Him. Whatever we can offer... He uses and blows it wide open. Parched for Him for days, within 10 minutes of soaking in the scripture and Truth and I'm full to overflowing again, where just 7 hours ago I felt dry and empty. I need this well, every morning. But I'm greedy for Him so I'm going to sit and stay a while today...
And so, to tie in the theme... I've learned to listen to my spirit. When I feel cramped, to get out of the house (bundling up if necessary) and take a walk in wide open, quiet spaces that are full of His glory. When I feel sad, aching or empty, to fill myself with His Truth and to keep mining it until He speaks to me. Rarely does He take His time, but even if and when He does... I will wait and persist. Nothing is wasted here, no effort is in vain. No hour of sleep begrudgingly given up but happily tossed aside and traded in for the Living Water and Bread of Life, the presence that actually sustains me through the day and brings life to my bones, to the dead places inside of me.
"His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the raging flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
This still is all my strength and stay."