Thursday, June 14, 2012

What's the opposite of "WINNING!"...?

You know, just another week...

1. Robbie stabbed himself in the shin with Maddie's Epi-Pen. (No harm done other than a nice little scrape from the needle - no medicine was transferred to him.)

2. The older 2 showered the kitchen with the contents of the sugar bowl. That would have been just before the Epi-Pen incident.

3. Ellie peed in public, on the pool deck. My friend Kacey and I were watching our girls swim and once when we looked over at them, they were both standing next to the pool. Ellie was half-squatting, holding her belly up/in, and peering down at the ground. As we watched, we commented to each other "Oh, she's watching the water drip from her swim diaper and bathing suit into a puddle on the ground." After a minute or two, I called out to her and asked what she was doing. "Oh, I'm just peein' next to the pool mom." Like it was no big deal. Like it wasn't my public-pool-nightmare come true (aside from a real accident of course). Luckily? It was barely 70 degrees that day and Kacey and I were one of literally 4 people at the pool with their kids. And so we laughed, hard.

4. Maddie splashed in the toilet. 4 times at home, once in a public restroom. She has also thrown toys in and then of course retrieved them, to my horror. This is no less disgusting with the 3rd child.

5. Twice at the grocery store, Maddie has stood up underneath her buckle in the shopping cart when I was looking at something on a shelf, and women nearby have freaked out and had to say something to me before she fell out of the cart. I like to respond to them with calm appreciation. Underneath? Definitely feeling like the worst mom ever. Like I am 12 and should not have had these 3 kids because I am probably not going to be able to keep them alive.

6. Every morning I wake up to little hands sneaking around in my bedside drawer, strewing things from the bathroom around my room, or foraging through the kitchen for scraps of food to fill their fiercely hungry bellies. They like to mix it up though - sometimes we start our day at 5:45am, sometimes everyone sleeps in until 7:30 or 8am. Randomly they will quietly play in Robbie's room, reading books or playing legos. That always happens on the mornings I wake up in a panic on my own at 6:30am wondering what they are up to and why in the world they are so quiet.

7. Robbie snuck out to the garage, got in the van, and was 'riding' in the front passenger seat as our sitter was leaving (I was preoccupied with paying her). He also steals ANY food from the kitchen at ANY time when I am not looking or nearby. You would think I didn't feed him. You would also think my mom-eyes in the back of my head would work properly, like everyone else's.

8. Someone who will remain nameless had a #2 accident at the gym in childcare, 15 minutes into my workout (which promptly ended). The only workout of the week.

9. Robbie and Ellie cannot go one hour without getting into a slap-fight. You know the kind - both kids are slap-paddling furiously with both hands at the other person's face or hands. It usually starts with a poke from Ellie, or she'll swipe a toy Robbie is playing with. She knows what his buttons are, and she presses them over and over and over from sun up to sun down. I will give him credit, he tries the first time or two each day to ask her to stop, using his words like I have encouraged him to. And then he just loses. his. mind. Slap-fight, BEGIN.

10. We took the older 2 kids to the Shedd Aquarium on Tuesday night - Rob's work was having a dinner there for customers and the place was all ours. By the time we left, which was well past the kids' bedtimes, they were totally out of sorts. Hyper, silly, angry, hungry (the food wasn't kid-friendly), and overtired. The entire car trip home, they yelled, screamed and hit each other. Rob and I threatened all sorts of punishment and consequences, and at one point I even did the 'reach-behind-the-seat-and-grab-for-legs' mom move in an attempt to convey my disapproval. When we pulled into the driveway, they were simply sobbing.

11. Rob had a horrible time with his allergies last night. So much so that he dosed himself up on Benadryl and ended up knocked out on the couch after dinner until bedtime, when he simply changed locations from family room to bedroom. This is unheard of.

12. All of the kids have bitten me this week. Like, major bites that leave a mark.

13. A librarian gave Robbie the stink eye and shushed him, when he called after Ellie while we were checking out books in the adult section which is right by the front doors. He was worried that she would get lost or run out into the parking lot, and I've noticed lately that his first-born/conscientious tendencies are getting strong. While I appreciated his concern for Ellie, I was already reminding him not to yell. After Ellie returned and I finished checking out my books, the librarian said something like "I hope the rest of your day gets better!", as if that was just an awful thing to have had to deal with. Ha. HAha. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I smiled at her and said, "I've found that remaining calm is the best way to deal with my children in the morning when they misbehave, otherwise the days DO get long. But they are young, and need a lot of instruction. So I try to pace myself, and not get too worked up. They ARE 4, 3, and 1 years old...!" I hope she got the hint.


The Van Rossums said...

Way to put the librarian in her place! As if one child yelling is the worst you had seen that day...:). Why must the library be hard. Remember when I switched libraries and why? :)

Anonymous said...

I laughed the entire time I read this post! I am so glad I'm not the only Mama (and I only have ONE!) whose child splashes in the toilet when I forget to put the lid down and who stands in the grocery/Target/ANY cart EVERY time she is put in them. The things some people say...

Jennifer said...

Oh, Ashley!...I LOVE YOU!!! You know why? It's not just because you're an amazing daughter of God, or a marvelous friend, or an incredible wife to Rob and mother to your children, but it's also because you. are. hilarious!!! Like Meg, I laughed through your entire week with you. I LOVE that our lives are the same right now -- with 3 little ones in tow and all of the crazy things they do. Don't - even for one second - think you're the only one whose kids stand up in the shopping cart or scream in the library. I think those are required skills in the toddler's code book (you know, the secret book that we once had memorized when we were little, but now have mysteriously forgotten about and wonder where on earth our kids get this stuff from)! :)

I LOVE you and I LOVE you even more for sharing all of this! :)