Thankful

Another must read by Ann - click HERE.

Whether Thanksgiving was a fun and celebratory time with those you love, or was difficult because of a wound, hardship, loss or suffering... I pray that we were all able to pull our nets in and count our fish at some point, and give thanks to God for what He has done and what He promises yet to do!

Tell me you shed a tear when you first heard this song, too!

{ Never Grow Up }

Your little hands wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in

Turn on your favorite night light

To you everything's funny

You got nothing to regret

I'd give all I had, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you

Won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies

And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off

At fourteen there's just so much you can't do

And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block

Remember that she's getting older too

And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It can stay this simple

And no one's ever burned you

Nothing's ever left you scarred

And even though you want to

Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It can stay this simple

- Taylor Swift

Beautiful

“Now suppose both death and hell were utterly defeated. Suppose the fight was fixed. Suppose God took you on a crystal ball trip into your future and you saw with indubitable certainty that despite everything — your sin, your smallness, your stupidity — you could have free for the asking your whole crazy heart’s deepest desire: heaven, eternal joy. Would you not return fearless and singing? What can earth do to you if you are guaranteed heaven? To fear the worst earthly loss would be like a millionaire fearing the loss of a penny — less, a scratch on a penny.”

Peter Kreeft

I want to love the Zoo, but...

...there's just not much to love. (At this point in time, at least.)

We went to Brookfield Zoo on Veterans Day, 2 Thursdays ago, since Rob had the day off work and it was a free admission day.

Since Ellie doesn't walk yet, we have to bring a stroller. Which means in order to go inside any of the animal houses, we have to leave the stroller outside in the stroller parking area. Unattended. Translation: I end up hauling inside on my person anything of value, in addition to carrying Ellie. And then wondering, while looking at the animals, if someone is stealing our stroller! (Am I the only one who thinks about this? It drives me nuts.)

This last time we barely made it to the Monkey exhibit, our first stop, before Robbie was a melty mess. The monkeys distracted him from his 2 year old woes for about 30 minutes, but upon exiting the building he neither wanted to walk or be carried by daddy. So we hobbled over to the elephant area, where he played with a large wooden 2D elephant with a big tube/hose for a trunk. After deciding that this was not what we came to the Zoo to see, we tried to get him excited about seeing more living animals. You'd think we tried to cut his arm off.

He was a hot mess and we decided to cut our losses and head home. (We consoled ourselves by remembering that we paid nothing to get in!) But whoever designed the Zoo was brilliant, and no child is going to let you walk right past the enormous carousel by the entrance/exit area without at least one go-around. So we gave in and rode as a family. At least I got a few cute pictures of our ride!

Last year when we took Robbie to the Zoo, he came down with the stomach flu the next day and we passed it around our family for 2 weeks. We sort of expected it after he spent much of that visit sucking on every guard rail in sight before we could pry him off. This year, Ellie had the fever that led to her seizure the day after our Zoo trip. Call it coincidence, but I think we have a terrible track record of picking up illness at the Zoo.

Taking in the sights at the Zoo... I mean, totally distracted by a leaf even though there are wild animals everywhere. (Why not? And this would be why we go on free days.)

Ah... the infamous 2D elephant with hose-trunk. Much better than actually viewing the real thing around the corner.

Attempting to end the visit with happy children!

Somebody loves her daddy...

This face!

I love it when she pulls her serious face when something is supposed to be fun and exciting.

And I love it when she points her sweet little toes. Such a lady.

The Zoo. We may or may not be back anytime soon. The end.

Together

The afternoons are long and chilly. Perfect for bundling up and playing in the driveway... for 10 minutes! It seemed like a lot of work to get them dressed just to head back inside, so we hopped in the car and drove around eating popcorn and watching for trains while watching The Polar Express (for the thousandth time).

As I gave this girl a bath earlier today, I was overcome with thankfulness.

Thankful that Rob and I are able to fill our babies' tummies each day with good food.

Thankful that I have the privilege of bathing them with warm, clean water whenever I want or need to.

Thankful for cozy beds and books and toys that help them develop and grow.

Thankful for winter coats and hats.

Thankful for the opportunity to raise them.

I am so thankful that we have one another.

Even when we are keeping each other awake at night!

All it takes is quieting my heart and really looking at my kids to be overcome by God's goodness towards us, and His many blessings.

Looking forward to a weekend of rest, soup, hot sandwiches, and lots of time with my favorite people!

Conspiracy

There is a conspiracy going on against me laying down and sleeping or napping. Every time I try, someone starts to cry, takes their diaper off, drops their paci down the side of the bed, needs a drink, begs for 4th meal (that would be Robbie last night at 11pm!), or the phone rings. None of these things are happening until the moment I lay down and pull a blanket up and finally resign myself to rest.

For the last week, we have not slept through the night. And for the life of me I cannot get a nap in during the day. It's a little maddening. Probably more than just a little. I am so tired, emotional, frustrated with Robbie's tantrums and new habit of saying "Don't grab me!" or "Don't touch me, mom!", and am probably hormonal to boot (pregnancy will do that).

This morning as I showered and got ready for the day - the one perk to kids who won't go to bed on time or sleep through the night is that they sleep in! - I reminded myself that God's mercies are new every morning. That he promises to give us what we need to get through one day at a time. And I prayed for what I need most right now - patience and strength. Compassion for my kids when they demand everything I have, and the ability to give it to them cheerfully, out of love. To be sensitive to their needs first, when I want to focus on mine instead.

Although I am enjoying the results of everyone else's desire to get moving with the holiday celebrations (seasonal drinks, cinnamon treats and twinkle lights already strung up in trees), I'm not going there yet. We are in one day at a time mode. Maybe it's a blessing that I'm this tired and stretched thin leading up to the holidays. It could keep me from unnecessary activities or overfilling our schedule, it could help me remember how good and necessary it is sometimes to say no to things, it could help me remember that the advent season is one that is best spent meditating and dwelling on the fact that God came down to earth as a baby, and what is more important than that?

Maybe my forced daily dependence on Him right now is all a part of God's master plan (or conspiracy!?) to get me to stop and remember. To prioritize and focus. To think about changing the way we choose do things. To consider what the most important elements are of Thanksgiving and Christmas, and to make a plan not to miss those, and be ok with giving up the rest. To think about what I want my kids to learn by the ways we celebrate, and to put the time and energy into being intentional about making a plan that will sow seeds in their hearts and, Lord willing, one day bear fruit in their lives.

I'm going to fight for the next 2 months, as tired as I am, to not let all of the catalogues and stores and commercials shape the attitude of my heart or define the way things should be. They only invite greed, anxiety and comparison anyways. They never deliver on the false promises to create happiness and satisfaction. And I'm not sure I trust how 'harmless' it is (for any of us) as I think about my responsibility to shape my children's hearts and minds, and our family as a whole. Maybe individual acts in and of themselves (shopping, decorating, gatherings, gift exchanging, etc.) are not necessarily wrong or harmful, but the drive they can tend to create in us or the ways our hearts are enticed to pine for more... I think it's worth examining and being cautious about.

On a related note, I read THIS blog post by Ann yesterday, and it was so encouraging and challenging. These are the kinds of things I want to 'envy' more and be marked by... a quiet heart, honest living, ability to give up what everyone else is grabbing for, contentment, the strength to live out deep convictions, a bigger heart for the poor, the desire to give at every opportunity, wisdom, humility.

I love when she asks us, "Is it always this way, that a little child will lead them?"

I suppose mine are leading me back to daily dependence on the Father, and a new way of viewing and thinking about the holidays.

And that's all I have to say about being tired and thankful. For today.

Confessions

I have a lot of them to get off my chest. And I think it's so much more fun to read about what makes another friend human and flawed than why they think they have it all together.

So here you go. Enjoy my shortcomings and start feeling better about yourself riiiight... NOW.

*Sometimes I go to Whole Foods not to grocery shop but to dinner-shop. It's my lazy woman's way of putting a hot dinner together without cooking. I don't do it often, but when I do it's so nice.

*I crave fruit right now (it's about time... this baby was in danger of being created out of pasta and cheese and pastries!). And while some women splurge on expensive jeans or high end make up or spa treatments, I like to move things around in the grocery budget from time to time and splurge on organic, already-washed-and-sliced fruit. Again, from Whole Foods. I'm starting to dream about those tall containers of grapes and berries. It's bad.

*After Ellie's weekend health adventures (we'll call it), Robbie has become this little volcano of emotion ready to erupt at any given moment. He mainly struggles with the times I have to pay more attention to Ellie, hold her, give her medicine, etc. He will randomly throw a toy he's playing with out of nowhere, or stand up and look me in the eye and with a deadpan expression on his face, yank his paci out and throw it across the room. Often these little outbursts remind him of just how mad he still is that I up and left him Friday night with the neighbor (I'm guessing!?) and they escalate into full blown fits of anger or outright screaming for no reason. And after 5 days of repeated and varied forms of discipline for these behaviors, I have now resorted at times to flipping on Toy Story 3 to distract him from his inner torment. ;) Totally bad parenting, I realize, but desperate times and a tired mommy, you know? And this morning as he quoted much of the movie verbatim I was brought to a new level of shame. We're going on movie lock down. As soon as Ellie's rash goes away and she can stay awake for more than 3 hours during a given day. Then. For sure. Oh and did you catch in there that he has his paci again? And during the daytime? I'm winning mom of the year for SURE.

*I made a 9 lb ham for dinner last night, and the endless possibilities of what I can do with the leftovers is almost too much culinary excitement. I will now shamelessly ask you for your favorite ways to eat leftover spiral ham - recipes, ideas, anything. Leave me some love in the comments!

*I haven't left the house since Friday except to: take Ellie to the pediatrician, buy a new baby monitor, buy a new thermometer, do one massive grocery shopping trip, attend a moms event at church, go to bible study, and meet with a mentor of sorts for lunch. Although that sounds like a lot of getting out of the house, none of the trips lasted for more than 2 hours and I'm coming down with severe cabin fever that not even a baking session can cure. The kids are feeling it too and we need to get OUT of this house.

*In spite of my desire to get out of the house, I love that our calendar is nearly obligation-free for the rest of the month. There is something about having a 2 yr old, 1 yr old and baby in utero that is draining the life energy out of me. Apparently I'm not getting younger with each pregnancy.

*I'm channeling Paula Deen and cannot stop putting butter on everything. Even wanting to eat certain things for the simple fact that I could PUT butter on it. Muffins and any sort of toast in the morning are sometimes the only reason I am happy to get out of bed. I am going to hate myself for this next April.

*I'm getting crabby at my maternity clothes. As comfortable as elastic waist pants are, there's not much about them that makes you excited to put them on.

*Ellie has worn pajamas for the last 120 hours straight. That would be since Friday night. At least she's had 2 or 3 baths thrown in since then, and I am rotating her pj's at least once a day!

*Our video camera's digital memory is now totally full. We bought it just prior to Robbie's birth and I have yet to really figure out how to upload videos and file them properly onto our computer. And back them up. I've tried and it just doesn't seem like I'm doing it right, so I don't delete the files off of the camera. Time to figure it out.

*Ellie's bedroom mural still has the name we didn't chose for her chalked into it. I have yet to paint 5 little pink birds perched on a tree branch with the letters E L L I and E on their bellies to personalize her room. You know, 17 months after her birth, and just a few months before we move her out of the nursery and into Robbie's room. Aside from the fact that I have totally neglected her baby book, it's one of my larger embarrassments/failures as her mom (as far as things that don't really matter but do matter to us as moms!) and I hope she doesn't hold it against me when she gets older.

*I should be folding laundry but instead I'm blogging.

And with that, back to the land of productivity!