Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Peaks and valleys

I was all set to post last night... and decided to save the post instead of publish it.  I'm glad I did.  Monday was an especially hard morning.  Clearly my postpartum hormones are evening out because I don't think I even cried once that day, and I had many reasons to!

My mommy-future has many more difficult days ahead.  This isn't a surprise to me, but the reality of walking through it is something you just can't prepare yourself for.  Believe me, I tried.  I love being a mother, especially one that is blessed to be able to stay home with my babies.  I don't take it for granted, and never want to come across as complaining.  But learning to juggle 2 babies at once is challenging.  

I will try to spare you the play-by-plays of these days, unless they are especially comical, at which point I will probably indulge myself.  Yesterday was devoid of comedy, thus the absence of a post.  You're welcome.

And now, can I just say that right now there is nothing more wonderful than waking up to find your mom creeping into your room to take your baby monitor and get your firstborn out of his crib, change his amazingly-blown-out-diaper, and play with him so that you can nurse / shower / have a moment to yourself just to think straight?!  No, my mom doesn't live with us - but she might as well, with how early and often she has come over to help us since Ellie's birth.  Not only was I pleasantly surprised (understatement) by her presence this morning, but she also announced that she had brought dinner ingredients, and loaded up our crock pot before leaving at lunch time.  There are special crowns or jewels or something in heaven for people like my mom.  I'm not kidding.  The amount of relief I felt to have the pressure of the day lifted from me, after having an especially hard day, was such a blessing.

I will post pictures from our morning together later on... but Robbie was a different child today after catching up on rest and finding that there was more than enough attention to go around between me and grandma.  This afternoon, my sister came over and offered her helping hands as well.  And the great thing was that while she soaked up some Ellie-time, I wrestled Robbie in his ball pit until he was exhausted and satisfied with the amount of hands-on time he got from his momma.  

My little guy's world has just been turned upside-down, and although I know kids are resilient and that he won't remember any of this later on in life, he IS trying to sort it out for now.  He still cries when Grandma leaves the room or house.  He is not sure why this baby girl continues to hang around.  He wants to tell me things but doesn't have any words to use.  He must have wondered why I didn't pick him up or snuggle him for the last 3 weeks.  Today he randomly crawled into my lap or would snuggle me while walking past me.  I taught him how to give hugs today.  I'm so thankful for those moments because I was starting to wonder if he was holding a grudge towards me for the way my physical interactions have needed to be limited until now.  Crazy, I know.  Unless you are a mom who has brought home a new baby to a 15 1/2 month old after a C-section.  Then you can identify with what I'm saying!!

Also -Ellie turned 4 weeks old today!  I snapped a few pictures to document her growth and will post those later as well.  Sleep is trumping everything else tonight!  Goodnight...

3 comments:

J. said...

Don't worry about Robbie holding a grudge--I've talked about this at length with my mom (since I'm bringing home #2 in November). I was 2 (and 2 months) when my little sister was born. My mom said that it was a tough transition for me, but I have no recollection of ever being an only child, nor do I harbor any hard feelings toward my sister or mom from that time. I'm sure it's tough now (for you and him), but it will all be fine in the long run.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Oh, bless you! My girlfriend did exactly the same as you did (maybe a few more months on her first son, though). It's ROUGH. Especially with a c-section. Your mother is truly a wonderful woman. I hope to be as fabulous for my own kids when they are parents...

Jennifer said...

Ashley, you are doing SUCH a GREAT job!!! I am always so amazed at your grace and unconditional love. You are such a sweetheart! Robbie and Ellie are SO blessed to have YOU as their mother. And, your mother, what an angel!!!