Are you still reading!?

TUESDAY

4:15am - Maddie slept all the way through the night until now! 9 hours. I feel fantastic, and feed her her bottle, burp and change her then lay her back down.

8:45am - Robbie and Ellie sleep in too. They wake up and I get them out of bed, change and dress them, then unpack the rest of their bags from our weekend away.

9:20am - Maddie wakes up for the day. Feed her a bottle while the kids play trains / dollhouse / dress up.

10:15am - make breakfast (toast, blueberries, scrambled eggs, yogurt). Empty and reload dishwasher, set the kids up with their toys for playtime.

11:00am - feed Maddie a small bottle and lay her down for her morning nap. Eat my breakfast and do my devotions while the kids play down in the family room.

12:00pm - make roasted tomato basil soup for dinner later on.

1:30pm - my mom comes over to spend time with the kids and give me a break. We are eating lunch when she arrives (turkey wraps and raw peppers and carrots with dip). Ellie goes down for a nap, and I let Robbie skip his today.

2:00pm - mom feeds Maddie a bottle when she wakes up while I take a shower. Then she takes Robbie to go get a haircut and a milkshake. Maddie goes down for another nap, and I give myself a mani/pedi with my free time.

4:00pm - mom stays with the kids while I run to the grocery store for items the store I went to last night did not have.

5:00pm - make and feed the kids dinner, just as Rob calls to say he got off the train and realized that he left his car keys at work and will walk home from the train station. Once he's home we give R & E baths, and Daddy reads them bedtime books while I bathe Maddie (all the while promising myself that I will bathe her more often, poor thing!) and put her to bed. Then we put the older 2 to bed. They are w.i.r.e.d.

7:00pm - I volunteer to go get Rob's car from the train station and strap on my running shoes. Freedom! I run like the wind. Sort of. But it doesn't matter, it feels so great.

7:30pm - Rob and I sit down to eat dinner - mozzarella panini's and roasted tomato basil soup. Ellie is keeping Robbie awake by yelling "WAKE UP, ROBBIE! WAKE UP!" among other things. She gets her first moment of discipline with Daddy. And then her second. This girl... such a handful right now at bedtime.

8:00pm - pull Robbie out of the room in hopes that Ellie will no longer be distracted by his presence and fall asleep. We hang out and watch TV.

8:45pm - Ellie's still calling out and screaming. Rob and I decide that if she's still pitching fits when it's time for the rest of us to go to bed, she's getting bumped to a pack 'n play in the living room. We are sort of out of options (and bedrooms! ha!).

9:00pm - pick up the house, clean the kitchen, settle all babies that might still be awake, and go to bed.

*Update: My sweet sister left this comment, and I want it to make it into the blog book!

Aunt Kels has left a new comment on your post "Are you still reading!?":

Dear Ellie,

Getting put to bed first every night is no fun - I know exactly how you feel. I still remember having to crawl into bed knowing that everyone else was still awake having fun downstairs when I was little too! Oh poor El-bell... But here's the thing little one; your mama needs sleep these days. And so does your big brother. (and the rest of your family!) Don't worry, when you're a little older you can come have sleepovers and stay up a little extra-late watching movies or just for kicks to make up for it ;)

xoxo,
Aunt Kels

This is what I do.

I'm going to attempt a 'day in the life' post each day this week. I think it'll be fun to look back on years from now, when I wonder what I did all day with the kids when they were little. I'll start with the wee hours of the morning, when our day sometimes actually begins...

MONDAY

1:00am - Maddie wakes for a bottle. Locating bottles, diapers, wipes, etc. is difficult since we spent the weekend at the lake house and I have yet to unpack. I feed her, change her, burp her, and she is back asleep in 30 minutes or so.

3:45am - Ellie wakes up in the night. Spend the next 45 minutes trying to console Robbie, and get Ellie to go back to bed (have I mentioned they're sharing a room? ARGH!). Put up a pack and play in the family room out of sheer frustration and put her in it, let her shriek out her 2 year old angst for a little while. Think, what in the world do you do with situations like this one? Answer: Daddy calmly snuggles Ellie, then manages to get her to go to sleep in her crib again. Mommy makes room for Robbie in bed, where he sleeps until morning. Daddy decides to just start his day at 4:15am by taking a shower and heading to work. (I'm nauseous just thinking about it for him.)

5:30am - Maddie wakes for another bottle. Feed, change, burp her and she's asleep again within 45 minutes.

6:00am - Robbie tries to convince me it's morning because he can see through the blinds in our room that it's getting light out. I firmly tell him that just because the sun's coming up, that does not mean we are starting our day. Successfully convince him to lay back down and doze for a little while.

7:00am - Robbie is his father's son and cannot sleep in, or go back to sleep once he's awake. I turn on cartoons for him to watch from our bed and I sort of go back to sleep.

8:30am - Maddie wakes for the day with a blowout poopy diaper and a leg stuck between the rails of her crib. Tough start for a wee one! I dislodge her, change her, feed and burp her in my room while Robbie finishes watching his last cartoon. Say a prayer of thanks to God for His new mercies every morning, and ask Him to be all that I need today, knowing how weak in my own flesh I am, particularly after difficult nights.

9:45am - retrieve Ellie from her crib. Change all 3 kids' diapers and dress them. Spray my own hair with dry shampoo, wipe my face with Say Yes To Cucumbers facial wipes, brush my teeth, apply blush, mascara and chapstick, and put on the first pair of running shorts and tank top I find. Make up a bottle, two milk cups and two juice cups, fill the diaper bag with essentials, and put the kids in the car. Pick up donut holes for the kids to eat on the way since we don't have groceries in the house yet from being gone all weekend, and get a latte for myself.

11:00am - arrive at Buy Buy Baby. Exchange monitor at service desk while R & E play at the pretend kitchen and diner nearby. Maddie drinks one bottle and takes a cat nap while we shop. Allow the older 2 a few minutes of browsing in the toy aisle as a reward for dragging them around the store for diapers, etc. Try to convince Ellie that we don't need the $30 puppy that moves and barks, as she lugs it around in a box that is nearly as large as she is. As I try to check out, they begin to fight over a riding toy 2 aisles over. Both kids LOSE. IT. and justlikethat I am "that mom" again, trying to get out the door with my dignity in tact. (Big fail, by the way.) Realize as we exit the store that Ellie left her sippy cup somewhere inside while we were shopping. If we hadn't lost 2 sippies in the last week for the same reason, I would abandon it. Retrace my steps with tantrum-y kids and retrieve cup. Pray for strength, patience and grace the whole way to the van.

12:15pm - head towards Chick-fil-a drive thru on the way home for nuggets and a chicken salad sandwich (no groceries yet, remember!?). Offer myself Mom Of The Year award for 2 meals eaten out in one day. At least Robbie and I had a sweet conversation about how he loves God and Jesus, and that we can pray to him about everything (all his words), and we had a humble teachable moment when I explained to him the many kinds of prayers I pray.. including confession "Dear Jesus, please forgive me for yelling at Robbie or Ellie and for losing my patience. Please help me learn to be more patient and kind. Amen!" and thanks "Dear Jesus, Thank you for my sweet children, our home and the food we have to eat. Amen!". He had the most precious, thoughtful look on his face as he looked out his window listening to me and contemplating our prayer lives. He then announced to me that Jesus was inside his (toy) train, as he chugged it around his lap. So then, as we are pulling up to order lunch, I hear a juicy burp in the backseat and assume it's Maddie. Robbie cries out that he just spit up in his car seat, and indeed he has. I tell him it's just because he ate too many donut holes and drank too much juice (which is probably the case, but also what I tell myself so that I don't get that panicky "my kid has the flu" feeling that plagues me still.) Decide against feeding the kids lunch before their naps; they are exhausted anyways.

1:00pm - set up new monitors, put all 3 kids down for naps. Eat my lunch, clean the kitchen, then read this and sit and think a while. Pray again for a heart that is focused on God so that I am able to receive what I need from Him alone.

2:45pm - take a shower.

3:20pm - R & E wake up from naps; put on an episode of Little Einsteins in our bedroom so I can finish getting ready. Go downstairs, feed them lunch (dinner?), help them get started playing in the living room so that I can then clean up the kitchen (again), pick up the family room, do a load of dishes, start the wash (the lovey that caught the throw up must be clean by 7:30pm!), and start dinner. Intervene with playtime when fighting breaks out. Attempt to put Ellie on time out for major screaming/shrieking. She's either too young to understand the concept or she totally ignores my discipline and instead begs for me to hold her, snuggle, wipe her boogies, etc. She finally gives me an 'Ok, mommy' when I tell her for the 100th time that screaming is unacceptable and a No-No. We move on.

5:00pm - Maddie wakes up from her nap, ticked and hungry. I put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for the older two so that I can feed, change, and burp Maddie without interruption. Also because I am EXHAUSTED. Did you know that one woman can earn two Mother Of The Year Awards? Because I just did.

5:10pm - Contemplate not logging the rest of our days this week, after rereading the day's events thus far.

5:30pm - Maddie hangs out in the exersaucer while I prep dinner. That was the idea at least. Instead she wanted to be held, so I talked to her and loved on her while the older 2 played in the family room.

6:15pm - Maddie wants a little more milk before she can drop off to sleep. 2 oz later, she's down for the night. I put R & E in the bath with popsicles (fun!), and by the time I have them out of the tub and drying off, Daddy comes home from work. He helps with pj's and we read books and pray together. Somehow things get wild and loud, and Maddie is woken up.

7:15pm - I feed Maddie to help her calm down, and with a fresh diaper she's off to sleep again. I give the older 2 cough medicine for their lingering congestion from colds last week, and we put Ellie down first in her crib. I quickly make Rob nachos for dinner (I haven't felt well in the evenings lately so I skip dinner tonight.)

8:15pm - Put Robbie in his crib, even though Ellie's still awake. I walk out of the kids' room after singing 'Holy, Holy, Holy' to them, and pray that they fall asleep soon.

8:30pm - leave to get groceries. Just walking outside by myself to get in the car brings wave of refreshment to my spirit! Hmm. This is bad. I stop and get face wash and a Chai on my way to the grocery store, and am so thankful for the time by myself to think over my day and enjoy a little solitude. I just realized that I bookended my day with a warm drink instead of actual meals. Oops. Will remedy that tomorrow.

10pm - unload groceries, finish up this post, take bottles and formula upstairs and head to bed.

Sometime courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

(Mary Anne Radmacher)

Typical

A few weekends ago we hit up the splash park as a family. We went on a Sunday afternoon just before the skies opened up for a summer rainstorm (which made for a great reason to pick up Portillo's for dinner on the way home!). It was perfectly overcast and warm.

Maddie looked so innocent in her tiny bathing suit! No she did not touch any water all day. Yes I was dying to put her in the 0-3 month bathing suit just because I think babies in swimsuits are about the cutest thing ever.

She enjoyed our outing from the comfort of her stroller and the Moby wrap (which I am totally in love with, by the way).

Channeling her brother as a baby and propping her feet up just like he used to!

Ellie likes to come check on Maddie every once in a while now, wherever we are and whatever we are doing.

I find myself wondering a lot about the teenage years and what Ellie and Robbie will be like. With my little lady, I feel as if she's giving me a glimpse into the future at times. She has perfected the chin-tuck pout coupled with slumped shoulders, looking at me from the corner of her eyes with a blank stare, and sleeping in late in the mornings. She is also hard to get moving when she first wakes up (she gets that honest from me), preferring to lounge in her bed and snuggle/think about/talk to her lovies before starting her day.

Here, she's watching the other kids splash around and is less than enthused at the prospect of getting wet and/or being active. Can you detect that look of indifference and almost disdain in her face!? Her posture just adds to the drama. Funny girl.

"I want to be in that sand pit."

Meanwhile...

Robbie has no problem jumping in and getting wet. He ran around and surprised me by how daring he was, even running right past the water guns that can be manned by little boys and aimed at anyone. And yes, they targeted my boy every time he passed. Nope, he didn't bat an eye. Love this about his good nature. He is so unaffected by things that could ruffle his feathers.

Slow to warm up, Ellie finally found enjoyment in the stationary train playground area.

Dear curls: Please stick around. We love you so.

Can you spot Ellie in this picture with Robbie, below?

So much fun!

I'm redirecting you!

(*update: the link now works!) My friend Becky is eloquent, patient, wise, humble, loving, honest and gracious. She is one of the few people I admire completely as I observe her navigate the roles of wife and mother. And although we have always lived with many miles between us (even more so now that she has recently relocated to Cleveland), we maintain a close connection that is aided by phone calls, texts, emails, prayers, and even one another's blogs. Our children are similar in age and we often find ourselves simultaneously rejoicing over the same milestones as well as struggling through identical challenges with our little ones.

I loved her recent post about motherly anger and the scripture, quotes and thoughts she shared. It was so enlightening and encouraging to me. If you'd like to read it, and I hope you will, simply click HERE.

Love you, Becky.

Lovely things

Ellie currently calls the fly-swatter "ice water". She also typically responds to my requests or instructions with an agreeable "Yes, mom" or "Ok, sure Mom" and a smile. Tantrums overall are fewer and I'm wising up to her triggers, which helps us avoid them as well.

Robbie is showing more interest in his big boy underpants and less interest in hitting his sister in the head. He is showing greater affection for Winnie the Pooh and less interest in Caillou, a happy trade in my book.

Both kids are sleeping better, thanks to separating them at naptime (Ellie -> pack & play in our bedroom) and sneaking Robbie into his bed after Ellie has fallen asleep at night in her bed.

Madeline's new favorite thing to do is talk, with great expression in her eyebrows and inflection in her voice. It makes us all stop what we are doing and babble like idiots at her. It's glorious.

We are headed to the lake house soon. I'm desperate enough to get there and enjoy the atmosphere there that the thought of packing us all up for a weekend, driving 3 hours each way and chancing restless nights and naps with the kids is no longer a deterrent. I really hope it's worth it! I'm breaking my personal no-donuts rule the minute Tom's comes into view. Hello, vacation (sort of).

I am content most days to swap out Starbucks lattes with my own homemade hazelnut Dunkin Donuts coffee here at home. This is big. And very convenient. Not to mention so much cheaper.

The absence of tempting weeknight tv sitcoms has made way for nights that end with reading in bed. This is easily one of my favorite things ever.

During the power outage last week, all the food in our fridge spoiled. After tossing what went bad (and getting over my sadness that a yummy fruit tart from Whole Foods met its demise on my watch - how did I forget that was in there!?) I decided to go with a more minimalist approach to the things we keep on hand in the fridge. I'm loving the fact that when I need something I can find it easily, and can put away leftovers without having to rearrange everything to make room. How does a fridge get so cluttered? Also, disinfected shelves and drawers? Yes, please.

The gifts we are given

I have felt really blessed today, unexpectedly. It's my birthday, and since it's my 31st I was less than enthused by its arrival. 31 just sounds so... old. Boring. How did I get here so quickly? I'm definitely one of those Alums who walks back on her college campus and feels like it was just 2 years ago that I graduated instead of a decade ago. I'm the person I used to see at homecoming as a student and think 'Wow, they seem so much older and more like my mom than me'.

Well, here I am. I am old (no offense to those of you reading who have already celebrated this birthday!). I am a mom. I am so out of touch in so many ways already, and there's no use hiding it. I have no idea what bands are new or cool, because all that plays in our home and van are CDs and DVDs for children. My day to day life is swallowed up in diapers, talk about poop and who slept through the night, trips to Babies/Toys R Us, wondering how we ran out of milk again, and thoughts such as 'do they sell wipes in cases larger than what I'm able to find because I must use 100 each day?'. I have largely stopped following fashion trends (who has the time or energy?) and I am pretty sure I will have a hairstyle similar to the version I have now for the rest of my life, give or take an inch or two in length, a shade or two in color, and the occasional part flip.

Lest you think I've given up on myself, I have not. :) I am just conceding a point in certain areas of my life that call for sacrifice or less attention. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow. At least it has been for me lately.

But then I woke up today, on my birthday. And I was reminded of how small these things are in the grand scheme of life and like a vapor my concerns were gone.

My husband had a very large, gourmet cupcake with a pink candle waiting next to the sweetest birthday card (which gave me permission to eat a cupcake for breakfast because it was, after all, my birthday) on my nightstand. It was so nice to awaken to thoughtfulness from the person I love most in the world. It set the tone for my day. And as I smiled to myself I thought, 'Happy birthday to me!'.

Then Madeline rolled over for the first time, in the early hours of the morning. I retrieved her from her crib ON HER BELLY at 5:45am! We lay her down to sleep only on her back. What a sweet girl - she can't yet shop or pen her thoughts in a pretty card, but she certainly knows how to make her momma smile with the perfect gift on her big day. 'Happy birthday to me!' I thought, again.

Robbie and Ellie slept in and woke up as sweet and happy as can be. They greeted me with smiles and fits of laughter as they both held on to their crib rails and jumped furiously in their beds, yelling "JUMP! JUMP!", making me giggle along with them. No one had blown out their diapers in the night, there was no need to change crib sheets, getting dressed was a breeze, and they didn't bicker all morning. I am telling you - angel babies today. Sweetly telling me that they loved me, offering hugs and obligingly giving me kisses when I asked! And then enthusiastically going over to the nursing home dressed in their sunday best to spend a little time with Great Grandma Jessie, and behaving so well the entire time that I found myself thinking "Why don't we do this more often?" (the answer: because it NEVER goes this well!). Happy birthday to me!

My mom showed up this morning just to accompany us on whatever morning adventure we felt like we might be up for, and she arrived with my favorite Starbucks in hand as well as everyone's favorite donuts. She helped us at the nursing home, enjoyed lunch at Panera with us, helped me get the kids down for a collective nap, and then we sat together and talked while eating leftover birthday cake from our weekend celebration. Happy birthday to me!

There are stargazer lilies on my kitchen table that currently fill our home with the most pleasant aroma, and they are a reminder of my precious sister who drove them over last night even though she's sicker than a dog. She gave me a sweet card with heartfelt words like "greatest role model" and "mentor" and "friend", and I have to stop reading it because each time I pick it up I cry. To have a sister who is also a best friend is a very rare thing. She gifted me certificates for pampering and coffee with built-in babysitting, the best gift a young mom could ask for. Happy birthday to me!

All day long dear friends and family have sent me their birthday wishes and it has filled my heart to the brim. I remember the gift of time one of my dearest girlfriends gave to me yesterday as we went out to lunch together and how wonderful our uninterrupted conversation was. The days can be long and isolating as a young mom - they can warp your perspective and make you feel like you have less and less to offer with each one that passes. But I realize that those thoughts come from a worldly perspective, and one that has nothing to do with where I find my worth and value.

The Lord reminded me today (through each of you) that I am blessed, and I am deeply loved. And that my birthday should be less about planting another candle on my cake and what might be lost, and more about appreciating the life I've been given and all that is yet to come. To know that you are loved translates into a freedom to throw off worry and fear and insecurity and to see things for the way they truly are with spiritual eyes. It means that no matter what birthday it is, it is worth celebrating.

Many days I fall so short of the kind of woman I want to be, the kind I know He calls me to be. But I am thankful for new mercies every morning (even on birthday mornings that start out a little mopey!) and second chances that are more like 1,000th chances, and all the forgiveness and healing that He offers. I am thankful for the things that I've learned, grown from, and been given in this past year (namely our third child!), and I am looking forward to the next one with hopeful anticipation. Being 31 might sound old, but I think it just means that I have a greater capacity to love and forgive, a deeper appreciation for the sweet things in life, and the newly refined ability to embrace who I am and where I'm at without apology.

Happy birthday to me!

Good enough to eat

Last Sunday I just had to get a picture of the kids together. The girls were in their watermelon (strawberry?) dresses that I bought in the winter sales before Maddie was even born. I loved dreaming about having 2 girls to dress alike on occasion (shameless), and sometimes I can't believe how fast life is moving. Here we are already, 31 years old, with a little boy and two girls.

The sweetest, most full of life children I've ever known.

These three are everything to Rob and me.

This one is falling into the roll of big brother to his little sisters as if he were created specifically for the job (he was!). He has started to ask if he can help me feed Maddie, and I love to oblige.

Although yesterday when I offered him the task, he turned me down saying "No thanks, Maddie's bottles are stinky and so is her poopy!". Smart kid. The formula IS stinky when she burps, and she usually fills her diaper at the end of her bottles which Robbie has picked up on and wants no part of. I will never get used to the smell of Nutramigen diapers and really don't blame him.

Oh, Ellie.

(Yes, that's a portable potty next to the family room couch. We're casual like that.)

Typical brother/sister moment - kicking their legs in the air at each other.

No matter how much they fight or disagree or compete for my attention, they know that they will always have one another for the important things in life. Like building forts and telling secrets inside them.