Hello, Garden State!

We made it to New Jersey and are pulling in to Grammy and Papa's house as I type this. Praise the Lord! So excited to be here!!

Tis the (flu) season

I have started a list near the computer of all the things I need to blog about and am behind on... the free Lego train display we went to last week, our sugar cookie decorating, visiting Santa and sitting on his lap, getting together with good friends up north, and our little family's Christmas celebration this past Saturday morning.

But.

The flu is in our house. And it is so unfortunate. Robbie came down with it after going to bed on Friday, but he didn't get sick very many times. All day Friday was spent with our good friends the Larsons and Bellitos, and there were plenty of snacks and sweets everywhere that could fill a little boy's belly and make him sick. Coupled with the fact that no one else had been sick or came down with the flu after our get together, we chalked it up to a day of bad eating and no nap for the little guy.

But last night sweet Ellie spent the hours of 12:30-4:30am getting sick repeatedly, so now we know. It was the flu.

There is nothing like sick laundry at 2am and pretty much no sleep (as well as snow that needs shoveling before work at 4am) to make for 2 tired parents.

The up side? The kids should be fine by the time we leave on our flight to NJ on Thursday.

The down side? Rob and I feel like ticking time bombs.

Isn't illness just inevitable when you have little ones? We have done so much in the last week to prevent getting into this situation the week of Christmas (and before we travel), and it just doesn't seem to matter!

O happy day!

The sugar cookies were baked and decorated this morning... from start to finish, it took us 4 hours (double batch). Our kitchen is still recovering. Robbie had the time of his life icing his 3 cookies, then dumping half the container of sprinkles on them and shoving as much into his mouth as he could before I finally told him he could have one more bite and then we needed to stop. Pictures to come... they are hilarious!

The camera situation (and my related anger issue - ha!) is resolved for the time being. Although I have yet to rescue the 3 years worth of video that is being held hostage by the Sony Handycam, I received my Christmas present early and am now the proud owner of a Flip. So the pressure's off to get the Handycam issue resolved, and Christmas is saved as well as my sanity. My husband... what a guy! He is so good to me.

And the birthday banner is down. 6 months after her birthday. I am so on top of things.

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Memorable moments from today:

- Coffee and donut run this morning, straight out of bed. An indulgent way to start the day, for sure.

- Ellie discovering that she has the ability to crawl up onto the kitchen table via the side chairs, and then falling off during her dismount. Don't worry, she's fine. Yet another reason I am surprisingly fond of linoleum - so forgiving and easy to clean.

- Robbie narrating his cookie decorating and consumption: "This cookie is crunchy and yummy! It's very good, indeed! May I have more sprinkles, please? This is a very good idea."

- Everyone sleeping in until 8am. We also may have stayed in our pj's all day today, but I can neither confirm nor deny such laziness.

- After putting the kids down for naps mid-cookie decorating session, I finished icing and decorating the dozens of cookies myself. Instead of turning on Christmas music while I worked, I decided to spend the quiet time reflecting on Jesus' birth, and what the implications would have been (and would be for me personally) had he never come to earth. I'd never really thought of things from this perspective, and wow... there is a new depth to my gratitude for God's love and sacrifice in sending his Son to earth, eventually to die. 30 Christmases and yet a brand new way of thinking about the most celebrated holiday of the year. I looked up in the middle of my pondering to see snow falling - not much, and not for very long. The quiet time, my thoughts, and the snow all felt like a gift.

- For about 10 minutes, the kids sat on the couch snuggled up close to each other under Christmas blankets watching Toy Story. It was ridiculously cute.

Lofty.

Goals for the remainder of this week:

1. Clean out the linen closets, which are more like face/hair/makeup product closets that are out of control, thanks to me.

2. Make sugar cookies with the kids like a good mommy at Christmastime. Get over the fact that it is going to make a colossal mess and embrace it.

3. Get the last 3 years worth of home movies off of our Sony Handycam (aka the devil's camcorder) and onto our Mac, as well as a back up copy on an external hard drive. May I please mention here that I've already spent hours attempting to complete this task and - who knew!? - the format that Handycams record in is not compatible with Macs. Even after purchasing updated software that supposedly helps with the recognition of files and the import process.

4. On the heels of #3, stop letting said camcorder situation make me angry. Even though MY DAUGHTER IS TAKING HER FIRST STEPS AND I CAN'T RECORD IT BECAUSE THE MEMORY ON THE CAMCORDER IS FULL AND I HAVE NO WAY OF CLEARING OFF OLD VIDEOS WITHOUT DELETING THEM FOREVER. That, and a little thing called Christmas is coming up that I'd love to remember years from now via video memories. ::sigh::

5. Put away unused Christmas decorations that are hanging out on the dining room table. While I'm at it, take down Ellie's birthday banner that hangs in the family room. Ha!

6. Make a packing list for our trip to NJ and stick to it when it comes time to fill suitcases.

7. Take the kids to sit on Santa's lap. I just love having those pictures to look back on, even though we're not emphasizing the big man as the reason for the season.

Isn't it always helpful to have a little accountability when it comes to getting things done? Hold me to my goals, blogosphere...

Ultrasound pictures, and Sunday happenings

New images of our littlest love... whose gender will be a surprise this time!

In case ultrasounds are greek to you, I'll narrate:

Head is on the right (baby is looking up), big mass on the left is the body, if you look close you can see a decent profile.

Curled up with head on the right side of the picture and legs on the left, but face is hidden this time behind arms as the baby faces us.

Peek a boo! Head is on the right, baby is looking right at us. The odd shaped circle under the chin is a hand and the next large mass is the body.

These straight on shots of a baby's face in utero are always a little freaky.

The baby's head is on the left in this one, with hands above the face and legs on the right. The things that look like floating bubbles are the umbilical cord.

Perfect shot of both feet from the bottom.

Everything looked right on track as far as growth, and although there seemed (to me) to be less amniotic fluid I was assured there was plenty. There's just less space and more baby in there since the last ultrasound!

I'm feeling the baby move around a LOT lately, and even Robbie has been able to feel the baby kicking by laying his little hands on my belly! He was a little surprised when he felt the movement, even though I've been telling him for months that one day he'd feel the baby kick from inside of me. I love that he's able to understand to some small degree what is going on. He remains convinced that the baby will exit through my belly button, and that sounds like a harmless story to stick with for now.

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Ellie is walking around our family room today like she owns the place. It's awesome to see her confidence grow in her own ability, and I hope it will mean that she won't want to crawl around the airport in two weeks when we fly to NJ!

Robbie just walked in with a big grin on his face and sunglasses on his eyes. I said, "Hey, you're a rockstar!" and he replied, "No mommy, I'm just a boy." Cute.

Enjoy your cold, snowy Sunday evening!

Sometimes I wonder

How I am going to manage this coming spring...

The unknown threatens my peace of mind and I begin to wonder... who will watch our kids so that Rob can be with me during the baby's birth... will I have to have another C-section and how would I manage that slow, painful recovery again... will our baby really be healthy as all tests have indicated it will be so far... will I struggle with post partum depression... how long will it take to adjust to taking care of 3 small children... what in the world are we going to name this baby?! {We have no idea.}

I remember being so anxious prior to Ellie's birth. We knew she was breech and that I would require a C-section - not my first choice. I had no idea how difficult and painful the recovery and adjustment period would be for the first 2 months, both physically and emotionally.

And yet we all made it.

Ellie was less than 2 weeks old here. I remember that my goals at this time centered around keeping Ellie alive, getting sleep, and providing stability and extra love to Robbie as he got used to sharing everyone's attention with his new sister.

We all made it through, and when I look back through pictures of the first years of both kids' lives, I realize that we not only survived but we made some pretty amazing memories. We have come so far as a family, and these two little people actually have a relationship with one another now.

Ellie has finally begun to walk on her own. Tonight she walked about halfway across the family room between Rob and I as we cheered her on. I laughed at the thought of being so excited that my 18 MONTH OLD is taking her first real steps! But I enjoyed every minute of it, soaking in her accomplishment (however late) and realizing that nothing brings me more joy than to raise the children God has given to us with Rob. I can't wait to start it all over again with a brand new baby that is all ours, to fold a new child into our family and celebrate everything about this new little life along the way.

I am so thankful. To have the opportunity to be a mom, for the children God has chosen especially for our family, and for all of the joys and challenges along the way that shape us as parents and draw us closer to the Father.

I will post last week's ultrasound pictures soon - all of the baby's measurements were consistent with my due date, so we are not concerned about the baby's growth or health. Our babe is also positioned head down, at least for the time being, for which I am thankful!

What you may need to hear...

"...though this season may stretch us, it was never meant to be a burden — Any weight of Christmas is of this world and all the weightlessness of Christmas is the Grace of the Wood with the flesh wrapped over Deity."

~ Ann Voskamp

My favorite things (the Christmas-prego version)

Seriously, it is bodysnatchers over here.

I don't know where my old self has gone, but the new 23-weeks-pregnant one is a hungry, dry, clumsy, antisocial insomniac who cries in frustration one afternoon over 2- and 1-year-old behavior, and the next day is sad to leave the kids behind with a sitter so that Christmas shopping and a trip to the post office (and maybe a pedicure) can get accomplished. If it sounds crazy, just imagine what it is like to be the one LIVING it. Haha!

I broke three dishes last week - that makes my LIFE TOTAL 4... seriously I never break dishes! Rob thinks I'm trying to get a new set of dishes out of him, but really I am just. that. clumsy. right now. I fumbled a half empty cup of chai in the car this week as I tried to put it down in the cup holder, spilling it everywhere. I can't be trusted to hold anything of importance or of a fragile nature. Let's all hope and pray that this changes in, oh, 17 weeks or so.

Along with this new (temporary) version of myself, I have a fun new collection of favorite things to share with you. It's too bad I don't make a cent off of this blog, because I'm about to plug a lot of really great products that would have been nice to 'test' for free in exchange for some blog time! This is a family blog, people. I'm not selling out.

Burt's Bees. Is there any other chapstick? Even my kids love it. (I find their teeth marks in many of the tubes scattered around the house and van.)

L'Occitane hand cream. I love this store but their products are a splurge. I think this little tube was worth it.

MAC lustre drops. Keeps makeup from looking too dry and adds a little shimmer to cheekbones and browbones. Apparently it's a big seller in the summer but I like it year round.

Macadamia hair products. I just discovered this little line at Ulta when I was shopping with my coupon the other day. It's the only thing I've found so far that keeps my static-y winter hair from sticking out in weird places, and it's not oily like you would imagine it would be. Try the leave-in conditioner cream for starters, and get the travel size as it will last a while. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

I am so lazy, I just realized that the image for Neutrogena's Body Cream in Butter Cream did not upload, but instead this body scrub did. And I am not going to go back and fix this because uploading a new image will put it way at the top of this blog post, and moving it down here will take more time than it's worth. So ignore what's written on this tub, and pretend that it's the Body Cream in Butter Cream, and go out and buy it at Target while it's still on sale and slather it on everywhere after your next shower. You'll thank me. My shins and belly get so itchy right now that I want to scratch until I've done damage. This is the only thing that soothes my skin and it lasts a full 12 hours! Miracle cream, I tell you.

Online shopping. Since you're already at your computer (or smart phone) reading this blog post, go ahead and open up a new browser window and finish off your Christmas shopping. It's the best thing that has ever happened to moms of many small children, especially this time of year. (Well, besides Toys R Us opening at 7am, I just discovered today!) I ordered gifts for others as well as the kids' Christmas clothes and pj's online this year and was happy to trade in hours at the mall for afternoons of playing and drinking hot chocolate with the Robbie and Ellie. If you find free shipping deals, you won't even pay extra for the convenience.

Getting the mail and receiving packages on my doorstep. I just love Christmas cards and save them from year to year, especially the ones with pictures. Is there anything more fun than looking back through the cards you've received in years past as you pull out the Christmas decorations at the beginning of December? Now you see why the idea of not sending a card out this year nearly did me in.

The Very First Noel dvd - it totally captures the attention of both kids at once (quick, make dinner!), in less than a week it taught Robbie "Joy To The World" and I don't feel guilty letting the kids watch it over and over. This is the message we want to emphasize with our kids at Christmas; plus you can only watch The Polar Express so many times before you want to staple that darn ticket to the little boy's forehead so that he doesn't keep losing it. That, and there is only so much Tom Hanks a girl can take. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I'm loathing the sound of Andy Griffith's voice, but for now I'm happy with the trade.

PG Tips black tea. Brew a cup in the evening and add a little milk and sugar. Sooo good. I crave a cup of this hot tea almost as much as I crave orange juice all day long right now. (Weird, right?)

Wallaby Organic Yogurt. I don't normally like yogurt, but I can't get enough of this kind. My favorite flavors are strawberry, blueberry and peach and the consistency is divine. It's worth the extra $.40 per cup, especially if it's the difference (for me) between eating a bowl of ice cream or a cup of this healthy stuff. It's especially filling with a little granola thrown in. Target sells it the cheapest, which is usually the case with all groceries!

The Wheaton Public Library. Sorry for those of you not in our immediate area, but I'm sure you have a great library close to your home too. I find that reading at the end of the day calms me and clears my mind much better than watching TV, and I've been tearing through books lately. Plus ours is so kid-friendly, unlike the one in a neighboring town (which will remain nameless). One of my friends' kids, who are very well behaved for their age I might add, was asked to be quiet during a visit to get books... while they were in the children's section! That cracks me up. We would have been kicked out of that library a thousand times if we lived in that town. Thank goodness for the WPL and its gracious, forgiving librarians.

Happy pampering / eating / drinking / slathering / shopping / movie watching / book loaning!

Christmas smackdown

Most evenings end with a big wrestling match on our bed after bath time. What's that? You try to wind down your kids with books and prayers before they go to bed? Well ours are little energizer bunnies and they start running in circles (literally) unless we let them get a little crazy. I always forget to capture our everyday activities, but they really are what I will remember about these days while Robbie and Ellie were little.

So tonight we pulled out the camera to capture the kids in their new Christmas pj's (special thanks to my Aunt Sherry who sent them to us this week!).

I noticed a few things as I posted these pictures tonight - Ellie's hair looks really red to me, and both kids seem so much older all of the sudden.

This is the best I could get of the two of them together... it's hopeless.

Clearly this is everyone's favorite part of the day.

This is a look she reserves especially for her daddy.

{He is her favorite.}

My favorite. Everything I love most, in one big heap!

Have I mentioned that she's never been much of a cuddler, and suddenly after her seizure/ER experience, this is all she wants to do when I pick her up!?

I love it.

I asked Robbie if he would sit by Ellie and let me take one picture to send to Aunt Sherry, so that she could see them in their pjs. He refused, and sat down right in front of me and demanded that I take only his picture. He wouldn't stop saying 'Cheese!' until I caved and took it, and then showed him the proof. He kills me. Also, earlier today I explained to him that mommy loves him when he's obedient as well as when he's disobedient. Don't we all need to hear that sometimes?

Love this one. If there is one image that can describe 80% of my day {everyday} right now, this is it.

Our boy.

Robert Jack Livingston

I often wonder what the name is that God has for him, that only He knows. What it means, what it unveils about who God made him to be?!

Robbie and I had a poignant moment the other day that I want to remember.

He is coming up on his 3rd birthday, which means we are in a very 'dynamic' phase with him. :) He is asserting himself in new ways, independent of Rob and I. It's wonderful and perfectly normal, but exhausting and at times frustrating for me since he is not only my first child but my first boy. This is new territory for all of us.

Recently Robbie became very frustrated one afternoon. We hadn't really done much that day, and there didn't seem to be any triggers for his bad behavior that I could identify. (Don't we all have those moments!? As adults, we just learn to manage our responses and edit ourselves appropriately... but if you are a child without those tools... it gets ugly.) After a few hours in a row (no exaggeration) of correcting, disciplining, distracting, ignoring, and trying to engage him in other activities, I was spent. Physically and emotionally.

I think the last straw was when he delivered a swift blow to Ellie's head, which made her cry, and refused to apologize and hug her and went running into the other room away from me, yelling. The day had unraveled and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't have any more tactics to try with him or tricks up my sleeve. Thanks to what I'm sure was a surge of pregnancy hormones, things started to look very dim. The house was a mess, I hadn't even thought about dinner, I needed to use the bathroom hours ago and didn't feel like I could let him out of my sight, and needed a drink and something to eat. I was frustrated and angry and had nothing left to give my kids. I sat down on the couch and just let go of what was happening. I started to cry, and once I started I could not stop.

Oh my poor kids. I almost laughed as they stopped what they were doing and tried to figure out what was happening to their mom. It was probably the first time I had really cried in front of them. Curiosity turned to concern and they realized I was sad.

I want to remember two things about this. The first is that there are times that it benefits both Robbie and I most if I stop all the discipline and correction and take time to be quiet and ask God for help, in the moment. It took me hours that day to actually invite God into the process of raising Robbie and the discipline he needed to receive that day as well as the love he needed from me. It's not enough to think that God knows he has an 'open invitation' into my life and our family. Even if only for my sake, I need to physically stop and invite him into every moment and situation. How have I forgotten to do this regularly?

Second, I want to remember Robbie's response because it was so tender. As I wept for how inadequate and in-over-my-head I felt in that moment overall (alone with the kids, messy house, pregnancy, holiday to-do's, etc.) I watched Robbie's demeanor change in a matter of seconds. He became concerned and his lower lip quivered as he said to me "Mommy, don't be sad. Mommy, be happy!". When that didn't stop my waterworks, and I told him I was ok I just felt sad and needed to cry, he crawled up on the couch next to me and softly said "Mommy, don't cry - I'm right here with you. I'm right here loving you." He tenderly put his head on my shoulder and kissed my cheek and then proceeded to bring me all of his favorite toys. "Here you go mommy, here is my train to make you happy", followed by tracks and matchbox cars and even his beloved brown blankie.

And poor little guy, if this didn't just melt my heart and make me cry harder out of love for him! Not exactly the response he was going for.

For the rest of the evening he was well behaved. And I was reminded that he is allowed to have his share of challenging moments and even days as a 2 year old boy, but it doesn't mean he is out of control or a tough child overall. He has a tender, sensitive heart and I see so many examples of this as he is eager to share, love on his sister, help me around the house, 'be like daddy', and strive for obedience. But he is only two years old.

I can't wait to see what the next year holds for our family, but especially for Robbie's growth and development as we continue to raise him to know God and love Him, and hopefully live out of that relationship even as a little boy. Shaping a child's heart and not just his behavior is hard work, and is not a quick process. But we just refuse to settle for behavior modification as our method of parenting, and that means difficult days and even a few tears along the way.

I'm so thankful that this is my life, and that this sweet little boy, full of life and energy and joy, is mine to love and learn from. What a blessing!

First big snow

This past weekend we got our first decent amount of snow. We spent a good half an hour bundling the kids up in snowsuits, boots, mittens, etc... all for about 15 minutes of playing outside before boots and mittens started to fall off and it was clear that the fun was over. At least we don't have to deal with the whole potty situation yet! We love diapers at times like these.

Ellie got to touch and of course eat snow for the first time in her little life - last year she was an infant and couldn't even sit up yet!

She loved it. I took this last shot just after I found her laying on her tummy with her tongue to the ground, lapping up mouthfuls of snow while no one was paying attention. Who needs hands? She's a funny one. If it looks like she's protesting, well, she is. She was stuck in this position until I came to her rescue.

I'm glad we made the effort that morning though, because I was able to capture what will become our Christmas card picture. Clearly, no button down shirts and frilly dresses in front of the Christmas tree... but playing in the snow - isn't that the next best thing? (Don't tell me if it's not.) I was starting to panic over the fact that I had zero pictures of the kids together that I could use, being in the emotionally-unstable position that I am currently in (pregnant). We had even talked about not sending cards out this year just to eliminate the stress! Aack. I hated the thought but was ready to throw the towel in.

Since then it's been absolutely freezing. Winter is definitely here... and it finally feels like Christmas season! We are keeping the month as simple and low key as possible, but we did make the trek to Lincolnwood over the weekend to see what was supposed to be an exceptional display of lights. We thought the kids would enjoy that, from the comfort of their warm car seats with snacks and chocolate milk in hand. As it ended up, there wasn't much of a display anywhere that would have made the drive worth a recommendation, but we made a fun family memory and laughed at some of the enormous homes that were architecturally... interesting? lacking? dated?

I feel compelled to end this post with a recipe that will warm you up, it's a new favorite.

Perfect Mexican Hot Chocolate

(*adapted from Hershey's recipe)

In a saucepan, mix:

1/2 C sugar

1/4 C Hershey's unsweetened cocoa

dash of salt

1 tsp cinnamon

1/3 C hot water

Bring to boil and stir for one minute while boiling. Add 4 C milk and stir well. Do not let the milk boil, but heat it to your liking. At the very end, stir in 1/2 tsp vanilla. Fills 2 large mugs!

What do you expect?

These two are teaching me a lot right now.

God keeps bringing back to mind the theme of expectations and how they often guide my attitudes and behaviors.

I want to expect a lot out of our kids and set high standards for behavior, academics, their spiritual lives, the relationships they have, the way they interact with others, and our home life.

But I have to remember how old they are now, and adjust my expectations according to their abilities and age. When I forget to do that, I drive myself crazy. I get frustrated, begin to compare, start wishing away certain phases, and lose sight of how beautiful these two little ones are and the blessings that come with having a 2 year old and a 1 year old.

Honestly... it is hectic in our house at times, and my energy wears thin quickly between the two of them and the babe that is sucking the life out of me in my womb. :) It's a physically demanding phase, and so many nights I fall asleep regretting my sharp words, lack of patience, or how little I did to meaningfully teach them or engage with them throughout the day.

Three things give me fresh energy and strength to get up each morning and try again:

the unconditional love my children show to me, the encouragement my husband offers on my worst days, and the unending forgiveness of my Heavenly Father. So thankful for those things.

This is what the cherubs typically look like on a given day:

All smiles...

...and clutching her 'la-la' (lovey) while sucking her thumb.

I know, you want to reach through the computer and give them a squeeze or nibble those cheeks while simultaneously reprimanding me for ever feeling anything but love and affection for them. I don't blame you. Ha!

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We attempted to take a picture for Christmas cards while at my mom's house for Thanksgiving.

This begins the portion of the blog post I like to call "A Series Of Unfortunate Events"...

1. Failed attempts at a family picture.

("A Series Of Unfortunate Events", cont'd:)

2. Robbie has an insatiable desire to remove his clothing or pj's and diaper every chance he gets. This morning he even managed to get naked while buckled into his car seat. That's determination.

3. Ellie is teething her molars. As in, little chunks of her gums are red and being pushed up by her new teeth. It's gross and it's painful, and I wish I had taken out stock in children's Motrin at the beginning of November.

4. I am trapped indoors with a LOT of toddler energy that more than outmatches my own.

5. A certain 2 year old has been experimenting with his milk and juice while I'm not looking. I have found beverages that he's sipped an then spit carefully back out along the windowsill in the living room, inside his train tracks, on the fireplace and on my bible study notebook. He does it secretly, and not at all in anger. It's mostly experimental, I think, but disgusting and frustrating just the same.

6. New phrases that are being tested out on mommy include "Don't say 'No', mommy, say 'YES!'...", "Stop touching me...", "Stop lookin' at me...", "Don't grab me...", "I want orange juice without the 'plump' (pulp)...", "May I be excused (from the table)?", "May I please watch {insert kids show or movie title here}...", and "My neck hurts - I need Tylenol".

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And now the things we are Celebrating!

1. Ellie is taking a few cautious steps here and there on her own. She can totally walk, it's a confidence issue.

2. Robbie enjoys telling us when he needs to use the potty (for either reason) and has been successful on many occasions!

3. I can feel our little one kicking inside of me every day and so far it's been a very healthy pregnancy.

4. We got our Christmas tree and decorations up before December even began.

5. On Demand, for my weaker moments.

6. Robbie is starting to get the hang of staying in his big boy bed for naps and bedtime. The positive reinforcement sticker chart is filling up and has served us well.

7. The first (double) batch of Mexican Wedding Cakes for the season have been made and I'm glad I have a baby bump to help hide what would otherwise be a MWC bump.

8. We have been able to make travel plans to visit our family in NJ for Christmas after all! (We initially weren't planning to go and are thrilled that it's worked out.)

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A few pictures from Thanksgiving that I forgot about on my camera...

One that makes me smile:

And one that makes me groan and laugh at the same time (because Robbie is apparently winding up to hit Ellie on the head with a wooden train track and she's bracing for what she knows is coming... the look on her face!):