Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What it's like to live with Rob

It's safe. He has a very natural way of making me (and our family) feel safe and guarded. Physically, emotionally, spiritually... He naturally plans for the future while keeping his eyes on what's going on presently. Not much takes him by surprise, and nothing gets past him.

Google can hardly keep up. Rob can remember everything he's ever learned, heard, or seen. He's like a human encyclopedia / jukebox / whatever you might call something that contains every sports factoid. Sometimes it takes him a few seconds, a few minutes, or a day... but he WILL come up with the answer to your question. It's as impressive as it is scary.

It's entertaining. He has an awesome sense of humor. When he's (apparently) not funny, it always has to do with me being crabby and nothing to do with the quality of his comment or joke. He teases me that since having kids I've lost my sense of humor. I need to get it back in full, because I am missing out on a lot of good material in the meantime, and I know it.

It's a window into what life will be like in 30 years. We are old souls... together. We have been trapped in these young(ish) bodies but don't be fooled. We are homebodies. We are content to spend much of our time with those we love most (the kiddos) doing simple things. We appreciate a thoughtful, intriguing conversation. We are more apt to save money than spend it on big purchases, concerts, or lavish vacations. I feel the need at this point to beg you not to think we are boring. Actually, think what you want. :) We are happy and content with who we are.

I never have to wonder if we share the same values. We literally line up on everything. From spending time with one another's family and the importance of having a home life, to our financial priorities (in THEORY I agree, sometimes it's harder for me to put into practice!), to how we want to raise our kids, to spiritual beliefs and gray areas. We still talk things through, but rarely do we see things differently.

It's one heart-swelling moment after another. When you have children with the person you love most in life, it really is a miracle. Each moment stacks up on top of the last amazing moment and you find yourself looking back one day and feeling like there is more love and blessing in your life than you ever dreamed would be yours. Certainly much more than you deserve. A beautiful wedding... witnessing together 3 miracles ( the births of R, E and M), and all the moments in between that grow the love in our marriage and family.

It's annoying. Pretty much 95% of the time when we disagree or don't see eye to eye, he is right. I know this, but I still fight it in the moment. Thankfully, he's pretty humble and often preserves my dignity even when I don't deserve it.

It's hard. We are very different - our personalities, how we manage stress, preferred methods of relaxation, what energizes us, the things we like to spend mad money on... we have to constantly work on connecting or our differences can leave us (or maybe just me!) feeling disconnected. Every marriage is hard in its own way - we still have a lot to learn and places we need to grow. But we are in it together and I never feel like I'm alone.

It's easy. He eats everything I cook. EVERYTHING. He falls into step with whatever the current routine is that the kids and I have. He serves me by helping with the housework when he's able to, and he does it the way I prefer (I can be overly particular with things, like the dishwasher). He fixes things that break, he assembles things that need to be put together, he keeps his things clean and orderly, he takes and picks up his own dry cleaning, and usually does his own laundry. He sleeps on less than his half of the bed and literally does not move once he falls asleep. He is hands-on with the kids, especially at bedtime, when we are out, and when they're acting up. He can sense when the water is rising around me, and sends me out of the house for a little time to myself without the kids.

It's like living in a vacuum. Rob has been appropriately dubbed 'the black hole' for his ability to hold personal information and keep a secret. He has a great filter, and is not tempted by gossip. For this reason, most people don't know how greatly I fail him as a wife, or how often. If they do, it's because I've told them myself.

It's challenging. He encourages me to be more Christlike. He rarely has to use words. The way he moves about his day, the calm he possesses, his commitment to apologizing and forgiveness, the quiet confidence that underlies his decision making, his strong work ethic, his refusal to compromise, his relentless pursuit of Truth and knowing God, his commitment to increasing his knowledge through reading - they all challenge me directly. I know I'm not the only one, either.

It's pretty wonderful. It's obviously not perfect, but I wouldn't trade having Rob for my husband and the father of my kids for anything in this world. He is my partner, my confidant, and my best friend.


Jennifer said...

I love the way you love Rob. You are BOTH equally blessed to have each other!

The Larsons said...

I love sharing the same, deeply rooted love for our husbands. It pleases me to no end that they are close friends. And, even more I love the way their friendship brought US together. What beautiful words to your husband.