Friday, January 28, 2011

Vulnerable

My mom assigned this word to my current state when I tried to explain to her how I've been feeling this week. It's pretty accurate!

I have been anxious about this morning for a while, the morning Rob would leave for the weekend for a friend's wedding in Texas. When we were first making our plans, I was anxious to leave the kids behind (not helping was the fact that we had just experienced Ellie's febrile seizure). When we couldn't figure out a situation that would work in terms of their care, we decided that I would have to stay behind, and since then the anxiety has swelled as big as my belly into fear that something will go wrong while Rob is gone.

I think it has just so happened that with every pregnancy we have gone through, Rob has needed to fly somewhere during my 2nd or 3rd trimester and I have cried and worried and expected the worst to happen. It never has, but that doesn't keep those same fears from resurfacing, no matter how irrational (there is no such thing as rational when you are this pregnant, right!?).

So welcome, Braxton Hicks. Make yourself comfortable, Tums. We have 56 hours to get through together until the most sane, stable person returns to our household again. :)

**I am so glad my sister comes home for good from college tonight - she and my parents will be keeping us company and occupied while Rob is gone, and I am so thankful!

7 comments:

the deKorne family said...

That is such a yucky feeling! Mark was gone every week until I was 39 weeks pregnant last time..I had every back up plan imaginable! Hope you enjoy a peaceful weekend home with your cute family. I will pray for peace and no anxiety for you! Everything will be GREAT!

RyanLaurenAbby said...

Glad you have support! I will definitely be praying for you! It really makes you appreciate when they are home!

Jennifer said...

Thinking of you this weekend! I didn't realize Kels is done with college...awesome! Hope you guys have a really great weekend! Love you!

Rebekah Wallace said...

I made your minestrone soup this morning to leave in the crockpot while I was at work and am now sitting down to eat it. Yum!

I prayed for you this morning while I cut onions & opened cans! Glad you have others there to keep you company and just remember that our God is bigger than this blizzard, our fears & the unknown.

Courtney said...

Hey Ashley...I will join you in praying. Unfortunately, we've been down that road 3x with Will...2 of his febrile seizures were of very serious nature. Whenever there's even a threat of sickness, our stress level hightens. Nothing has made us cling closer to the Lord than those times (I'm sure you can relate!). You're not alone. If you take comfort in reading others experiences who have experienced similar, you can find the times I wrote about it. Check out May '09, and December '09. Congrats on your pregnancy...we're preggers, too :) I'm almost 19 weeks.

Courtney said...

oh, and p.s., I pray Psalm 4:8 over our boys every night. I also pray it over myself to help calm my fears at night when Dave travels.

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Oh Lord, make we dwell in safety."

mrs. bland said...

Praying for you, Ash. I think of you often and really wish we lived closer. I'd love to snatch those kids up from you for a few hours to give you some much-deserved downtime. Hang in there, girl. On a side note... major confession. I totally stole your idea for my latest post title... for Sophie's 18 month post. See, at least when you steal my titles, it's an accident. I did it on purpose because I loved it. Hope you're okay with that. :) Min