Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Still here...

...we're just up to our eyeballs in diapers and hormones. :)

This afternoon we will take Ellie to her first pediatric appointment for a check up.  It should be an experience, since I can't drive, which means my sister will take me and we have to bring Robbie along as well.  Later this afternoon I have high hopes of taking Ellie's picture with a surprise guest stuffed animal to begin charting her monthly growth.

Everyone here continues to adjust... slowly... Robbie is willing to offer Ellie love every now and then and even helped fetch her pacifier a minute ago.  He finally took a good morning nap for me today.  Ellie is still my big eater and a great sleeper, although she's starting to show signs of enjoying the night life a little more than the daytime.  Rob has been amazing, and although I'm sure he feels like he's still adjusting too, you'd never know it - he comes home from a long day at work and doesn't miss a beat helping with Robbie, getting him dinner, bathing him and managing his bedtime routine.  As for me, there are moments in the day when I feel like I'm really starting to heal, and then I'll have a stretch of time where I SWEAR the doctor has snuck into our house and is trying to re-open my incision with her scalpel.  It takes my breath away and is discouraging, although I know this recovery process is going to be a longer one.  

Most surprising is the feeling I have of missing Robbie, even though I'm with him every minute now that I'm home again.  I feel distant from him because I can't pick him up, hold him, hug him, play on the floor with him... and it makes me sad because I feel like he needs that from me now, as he sees me holding this other baby and is trying to figure out what is going on.  I'm looking forward to the day (in a week or two?) that I feel like I've healed enough to get back to our typical daily interactions and closeness.  

Ok, more interesting updates and pictures with the next post, I promise!!


rachel said...

i know that feeling of missing your (not really so) big guy even though you're right there with him. it does get easier. it's never quite the same again, but it will be your new normal, and it will be wonderful. you'll have two wee ones to crawl around with, and (this is the best part, so i'm told) they'll have each other.
hang in there. you and your whole support team are doing an amazing job!

the howards said...

hey ash...I SOO enjoy getting to read your blog. you are a great writer, and your children are BEAUTIFUL. the combination is wonderful. (= hang in there with the recovery...and with balancing your two little ones. You're doing a GREAT job. Robbie will adjust, and remember...he won't remember any of the adjustment phase. So if you ever feel like you're losing it, remember Robbie will turn out great, just keep doing what you're doing. And he WILL learn to give his sister real kisses very soon. Corban is just now feeling like its ok to give Emmett kisses on the head...before he'd only do it if he was at least 1 foot away. (= blessings!!!

Jennifer said...

Oh, Ashley, your last paragraph made me want to cry. You are doing such a GREAT job being mom to BOTH Robbie and Ellie. I know Robbie probably wants to have you read to him or sit on the floor and play with him, but I think he knows that you just can't right now -- that's why he's so eager to help you with the baby (picking up the pacifier, etc.). Don't worry -- your body will heal and things will get back to normal before you know it! I'm praying for your quick recovery! Love ya!