Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thin

There is a well worn path from our master bedroom to the kids' bedroom. I cannot count how many times in the last 2 months I have trodded down the hall in the groove of the carpet that was probably once very fluffy and padded but is now wearing thin. (As thin as my patience?!) There is something unnecessary about the amount of space used up in my brain by the knowledge of where exactly to step so that floorboards don't creak, and how to turn doorknobs and apply just enough pressure up or down or to the side so that doors don't pop as they open.

For the love of all things good why won't my children sleep like normal human beings? This is not rhetorical. I need an answer at this point. If you feel so inclined, offer up your best insight.

Lots of kids share rooms. I know, because I have polled my friends. And then I have texted, called, and emailed those friends begging them for advice about sleep training (all over again) because of what a train wreck introducing room sharing can be with siblings. I have tried everything, and like a boomerang the problem not only returns but usually smacks me upside the head to boot.

Take for instance what is happening in my kids' room right now, as I type. Last night we purchased a room divider from Pier 1 Imports. A room divider, people. In hopes that keeping our kids from having a visual on one another would decrease the temptation to wake or keep one another awake by talking and calling out from their respective cribs. You know what? My kids think it's AWESOME. So awesome, in fact, that they're all hyped up and calling out to each other over the makeshift partition. I just heard Robbie yell out to Ellie "IT'S COOKING TIME!". I don't even know what that means. I don't want to.

I. just. want. them. to. quiet. down. and. rest. (See what I did? I didn't even ask for sleep. Just a little rest time. I'm reasonable / desperate like that.)

You know what I think is the most bewildering part about the general sleepless state of our household right now? Ok, sorry - there are two things. 1) I spent a lot of time and energy sleep training Robbie and Ellie from the time they were 3 months old. It paid off. They have been great sleepers up until now. 2) I have a newborn (well, 3 month old) who although still requires a night feeding or two IS ABLE TO SELF SOOTHE AND PUT HERSELF TO SLEEP FOR NAPS AND NIGHTTIME SLEEP. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you.

Since I can't get enough sleep myself to function like a proper mother - you know, with reserves of patience and creative play and high energy outings, oh my! - I have taken up the fine art of pretending I'm not as exhausted as I really am. I apply concealer, restrict myself most days to one cup of coffee, attempt to pick up the house each night, make time to shower, blow dry my hair and do my makeup regardless of what we are or aren't doing each day, and generally carry on. I'm not trying to fool anyone else - just myself. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel like to sit down and admit defeat and perhaps shed a tear or two will send them headfirst into uselessness and unnecessary self pity?

I may attempt to drown my frustration in lattes or chick lit or The Bachelorette. But I will make it through this sleepless phase until it passes. (I will make it through... I will make it through... I will make it through...)


4 comments:

Matt and Abby said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. My patience would be wearing thin too and then it would affect how I treat the kids. I hope you get through it. The only thing I would ask you, is the sharing a room necessary? I will be bunking my kids together (at some point) and asked one of my friends for advice. She said she put her kids together way too soon and it ended up causing about a year of stress. She said she asked her pediatrician for advice and he laughed at her that she put them in the same room at that age. I guess he says it's better when they are 4 and 5.
Having said all that, if you have to do it, you have to do it and you'll get through it! I will pray for you!

The Samson Family said...

They torture prisoners with sleep deprivation. It is real and terrible. I'm so sorry you are having troubles. My girls don't share rooms, but Lily slept in a pack and play in our closet until she was 6 months old so that the noise from the other two wouldn't wake her constantly and that in the night, if she cried, she wouldnt wake them. I have other friends who have used the closet too. Is it possible to put the baby somewhere else so the big kids can have a space all their own? I've also heard of people putting their mattress in their family room so one of the kids can have the master bedroom. intense but hey sleep is serious business. :) I will be praying for you!

Jamie said...

I felt the same way when we had to put our boys together. They moved into the same room about 4 months before Aubrey was born. I had them on marvelous sleep schedules...and then we moved them together. They still nap seperately...one on our bed and one in their room. With that said, it took us consistently about 3 months to get them to go to sleep before 9:30 which frustrated the life out of me...not good when about to have a baby. We still have struggles here and there when going to sleep....there are times where we are in there two or three times before they finally give in. I feel sorry for you and understand completely the frustration you are dealing with...hang in there. I am praying that it gets better soon for you.

The Larsons said...

Joe is still in our room. What can I say? Dear friend, you whatever you decide, you will be in my prayers and you attempt to rest your family and provide for them during this challenging season of parenthood. I wish I could share your burden over a latte in person. All my love and prayers...