Thin

There is a well worn path from our master bedroom to the kids' bedroom. I cannot count how many times in the last 2 months I have trodded down the hall in the groove of the carpet that was probably once very fluffy and padded but is now wearing thin. (As thin as my patience?!) There is something unnecessary about the amount of space used up in my brain by the knowledge of where exactly to step so that floorboards don't creak, and how to turn doorknobs and apply just enough pressure up or down or to the side so that doors don't pop as they open.

For the love of all things good why won't my children sleep like normal human beings? This is not rhetorical. I need an answer at this point. If you feel so inclined, offer up your best insight.

Lots of kids share rooms. I know, because I have polled my friends. And then I have texted, called, and emailed those friends begging them for advice about sleep training (all over again) because of what a train wreck introducing room sharing can be with siblings. I have tried everything, and like a boomerang the problem not only returns but usually smacks me upside the head to boot.

Take for instance what is happening in my kids' room right now, as I type. Last night we purchased a room divider from Pier 1 Imports. A room divider, people. In hopes that keeping our kids from having a visual on one another would decrease the temptation to wake or keep one another awake by talking and calling out from their respective cribs. You know what? My kids think it's AWESOME. So awesome, in fact, that they're all hyped up and calling out to each other over the makeshift partition. I just heard Robbie yell out to Ellie "IT'S COOKING TIME!". I don't even know what that means. I don't want to.

I. just. want. them. to. quiet. down. and. rest. (See what I did? I didn't even ask for sleep. Just a little rest time. I'm reasonable / desperate like that.)

You know what I think is the most bewildering part about the general sleepless state of our household right now? Ok, sorry - there are two things. 1) I spent a lot of time and energy sleep training Robbie and Ellie from the time they were 3 months old. It paid off. They have been great sleepers up until now. 2) I have a newborn (well, 3 month old) who although still requires a night feeding or two IS ABLE TO SELF SOOTHE AND PUT HERSELF TO SLEEP FOR NAPS AND NIGHTTIME SLEEP. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you.

Since I can't get enough sleep myself to function like a proper mother - you know, with reserves of patience and creative play and high energy outings, oh my! - I have taken up the fine art of pretending I'm not as exhausted as I really am. I apply concealer, restrict myself most days to one cup of coffee, attempt to pick up the house each night, make time to shower, blow dry my hair and do my makeup regardless of what we are or aren't doing each day, and generally carry on. I'm not trying to fool anyone else - just myself. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel like to sit down and admit defeat and perhaps shed a tear or two will send them headfirst into uselessness and unnecessary self pity?

I may attempt to drown my frustration in lattes or chick lit or The Bachelorette. But I will make it through this sleepless phase until it passes. (I will make it through... I will make it through... I will make it through...)